Your Clip Of The Week

It's been an interesting day to say the least. It's been the sort of day where everyone around me seems to want to help me in my quest to look stupid. And by "my quest" I'm referring to my endless struggle to snuff out stupidity where ever it may lie.

The problem with trying to snuff out stupidity is that being stupid is contageious. As soon as one person starts other's see how much fun it is and how frustrated I can get (it may be how I got the nickname Aagro) that they want to join in on the fun and games.

So in honor of today's mood I give you the clip of the week. This is my attempt at asking the world to never go full retard.

Tropic Thunder : Film Clip - Nobody Goes Full Retard - watch more funny videos

Gay Man Prevents Florist Friars

I’m a little behind on the postings but the one thing that sticks out about the last 6 days is that it has been a weird week. Especially when it comes to news. And by news I’m not referring to the constantly resurfacing rumor that Hugh Jackman is gay. Here are your weird news stories of the week.

Woman stops bullet with hair

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -Other than having a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave. Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her.

She replied, "Well I dont love him," then heard gunshots. She said she looked behind the vehicle and saw her ex-boyfriend firing a handgun at her. She stomped her accelerator and fled, then turned into another parking lot and called police.

She told officers she recently had ended an eight-month relationship with the suspect.
Police arrested the ex-boyfriend and his friend in a car.

Copyright 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

And in other news...

Man Finds 35 Pounds of Marijuana in Car's Gas Tank
Wednesday, February 18, 2009

SANDY, Utah — A man who brought his newly bought car in to see why the gas gauge always read half full got quite a surprise: a stash of marijuana hidden inside.

A mechanic in Sandy who took a look at the gas tank discovered about 35 pounds of pot, which Sandy police say is worth about $35,000. The packages of drugs were wrapped in plastic and could have been in the tank for several months.

The Nissan Armada had several different owners and was once a rental car. Police are trying to figure out who stashed the drugs in the tank. Police say the current owner is not a suspect.

Kuji Takada Get's His Ass Kicked

As Friday evenings go, last night was a pretty groovy. I spent it with a couple of friends, drinking good scotch and watching cheesy movies. The cheese included Heavy Metal and a little Star Wars a la Robot Chicken (more on this later). We also sped through a movie called The Eliminators which starred a bunch of might have beens and a few never was. This is what people have in mind when they say “B” movie.

Still the one thing that a B-movie is good for are some classic quotes. Take Heavy Metal for example. Solid quotes everywhere. The real gem of the evening for me was the Robot Chicken parody of Star Wars. As I’ve mentioned before I don’t watch Adult Swim. But there does seem to be some pretty funny shit on there. I’m sure there are some misses too but this Robot Chicken crap isn’t one of them. It was created by Matthew Seinreich, Mike Fasolo, and Seth Green (yes that Seth Green). It’s a clay-mation spoof of quite a few pop culture icons, but the only one I’m interested in are the ones of the Star Wars variety.

I warn you to not be drinking anything while watching this. Some things really burn when coming through your nose.

In Space No One Can Hear You Scream

About a year or so ago my buddy Tim asked a great question. It was something that he and some of his coworkers had been discussing. The question at the time was, “if you had to recast the role of Indiana Jones today, who would you pick”. We did a very lax polling and ultimately the winner was Ryan Reynolds.

The other names that came up were pretty typical and all in all it worked out to be pretty interesting. Enough so that I thought we’d try it again. Only this time with a different icon altogether.

So here it is.

If you had to recast the role of Ellen Ripley who would you pick? There are some names that come to mind for me so I’ll throw a couple out there. If you have other’s you’d like to submit for a later poll please do so. Here are a few of the ones that I like for consideration.

Summer Glau
She is an obvious choice. Almost too obvious in fact. She’s well known in the Sci Fi circles and this will help to instantly put butts in the seats.

Olivia Wilde
She hasn’t been in much but I think that is to her credit. After all what did Sigourney Weaver do prior to playing Ripley? As a relatively unknown (at least to Sci Fi fans) she could burst on the scene and be an instant hit. Also she’s young enough to continue the franchise.

Dakota Fanning
She’s the only blonde on this list and I’m not sure that I have a problem with it. Also I have yet to see her in a role that she didn’t excel at. Yeah I know she’s still really young but the kid can flat out act.

Ellen Page

Think about it. She brings her own level of spunk and self assuredness to any role she plays. Too be honest, I’m of the opinion that if she’d been born 20 years earlier the role might have been hers from the get go.

So there’s my initial list. Please feel free to comment and add other names for consideration.

Game Over Man

So Rob and I have decided to call off the bet. It’s been a good few days and the real point of it was for the both of us to collectively post more. We’ve definitely done that. I think that between the two of us we’ve posted about 2 dozen times in the last ten days or so. The winner in this debacle is of course all of you that were entertained by our drivel.

The 6th Man

I seem to be playing catch up on a lot of wrongdoings lately. To that end…

I have made a huge mistake! I know, I know, hard to believe but it does happen. As a result of this grievous error I am considering the removal of Damages from the Top 5 list. Mostly because I can’t possibly have a list of the best shows on TV and exclude Jack Bauer and the folks at 24.

My bad. It is possible that one of the other shows should be removed from the list but in this particular instance I think I'll just add another. Everyone makes mistakes.

More surprising than my error is that fact that Harley Charger didn’t immediately call me on it. Shame on you Harley. And yes…shame on me.

“When bad things happen to good people its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people its Jack Bauer.”

Postscript

Reports are in that there are some issues with the video in “Colorless”. That’s a shame because it’s a fantastic song. To make up for it here’s a slightly different version (this time with an assist from P!nk).

If you’re curious about the vid I wanted to show you click here

Coverless Books

February is widely known as "Black History Month". Growing up as a black kid in America whose parents are both from the "souf" this becomes a very important thing. My folks always made sure we celebrated the different innovaions that African Americans were responsible for. There's a list of items that most people are familiar with but there are some everyday things that have made life easier that go unappreciated.

Ironing Board

Coin Changer

Horse Shoe

Lawn Mower

Window Cleaner

The list goes on...

For myself I've always hoped that I would see a day when there wouldn't be a need for a Black History month. We're not there yet but we are getting closer. In a lot of ways it's our own damn fault.

Because of the different tribulations that have occured (and in many respects continue to occur) over the last couple of centuries there is an automatic bond that we have. We are part of a fraternity. Our ancestors endured pledge week for us. But, as a member of this fraternity I can tell you that we can be pretty judgemental of each other.

There's also a bit of an identity crisis going on. This, in my mind, is a good thing. This means that the easily identifiable lines of what it means to be black in America are beginning to blur. That the days of judging each other based on a set of outdated standards handed down to us from the days of slave ownership is coming to an end.

Black people talk more than just one way. We dress more than just one way. We listen to more than just one type of music. We date and marry more than just one race. We can do more than just blue collar work. We can acheive the highest of offices in the land. But most importantly, we as a people are beginning to accept that these old truths about our brothers and sisters do not make us less black.

If the need for Black History Month is going to evaporate the acceptance of our internal differences may be the final catalyst for it.

India Arie Akon Not my hair
by avajra

Get Down On It -- Courtesy Of T-Mobile

The name of this group of folks escapes me but my buddy Cyemm likes to post about them on his blog all the time. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Brand New Key

Today is the openning day for Season 5 of the Rat City Roller Girls. Whenver I talk to folks about RCRG I get the same typical responses.

I remember roller derby from when I was a kid...

I didn't think people still did/watched that sort of thing...

Really? No kidding? (said with a holier than though sort of tone)

All in all I don't really care because this is solid entertainment and I sort of like being in on the ground floor. Hell, I'm even a season ticket holder. Unlike some of the other sporting events that folks are more familiar with, being an RCRG Season Ticket holder is affordable. For just over $100 with tax you're in.

And the best part about RCRG, outside of the scenery, is that these girls do this for no money whatsoever. Remember when the NFL/MLB/NBA/NHL players played because they just loved the sport and not because of the huge fat checks they were getting? Me neither. There are no hold outs for more money. They do it because they love it plain and simple.

Our young adolescent women could do worse for role models than a bunch of girls in roller skates and pads whoopin up on each other because they love what they're doing.

The Dollyrots

Top 5 TV Shows

I’ve encountered a lot of chatter lately about the evils of TV and how much better than me those without one are. There are always a lot of reasons given for this. It rots the brain – there’s nothing good on anymore – or the amount of good shows on, compared to the number of channels isn’t worth it – it’s too damn expensive (a solid reason by the way) – you should read more instead – all of these shows are available online.

This list goes on.

Now I’m one of those folks that 15 or so years ago would have publicly supported the above statements while privately loving TV. I was a closet TV lover and I was ashamed. This is what happens when you spend an inordinate amount of time around book stores and book lovers (some of my favorite people btw).

Well I’m out of the TV closet now and I’m a big fan. When I’m sick and at home it provides me with mindless entertainment. It has something there for every mood and it easily keeps all the voices in my head content. I love TV and I don’t care what you think about my addiction.

So here now are my Top 5 TV shows that haven’t been cancelled…

Damages
The show is currently in the beginning stages of Season 2. Season 1 had one of the most gripping storylines I’ve ever encountered. The show starts in the middle of an epic story and works its way both forwards and backwards with some cleverly inserted flashbacks. It stars Glenn Close (no introduction necessary), Rose Byrne (the only stand out role that I can recall is Troy), Tate Donovan, William Hurt (Season 2), and Ted Danson (Season 1)

Survivor
I’ve lost count by now on how many seasons this show has had (I think they’re working on number 19 now). This is The Reality TV show. No matter who’s on it, it displays the human condition at its best (and worst). I know that Orb and a few others have never cared for the show but 19 seasons of “the tribe has spoken” have officially infiltrated our culture. Even if you haven’t ever seen the show you know how it works. They send a group of men and women to a remote location for a camping trip on ‘roids. Early on in each season tribes compete against each other in challenges for both rewards and for immunity. At the end of each episode someone is voted off of the island. At the end of the season one person is voted the sole survivor and awarded a check for 1 million dollars. Oh the lies people will tell for a million bucks. This is entertainment at its finest for me. The photo is of Parvarti Shallow and she was the winner of Survivor: Micronesia.

Californication
I’ve posted about this show in the past but it’s worth repeating how much I love it. It is such a good show that I increased my cable bill just so I could watch it. Starring David Duchovney and Natasha McElhone, it is the story of an irreverent writer that is trying to find himself in L.A. Not an easy task when you have a teenage daughter and an ex that you’re still pining for. He has a severe drinking problem, but this is nothing compared to the relationship (read sexual escapades) problems he get’s himself into each episode. If you haven’t seen an unedited episode of this show you’re missing out.

Burn Notice
Let me tell you a story. When a spy get’s fired they cut him off. They burn him. His name is Michael Weston and he has been given his Burn Notice. In his own words this means that he’s been fired. His accounts have been frozen so he has no money and he’s been left stranded in whatever town the folks that burned him have seen fit to drop him in. When this happens to a spy you rely on anyone that will talk to you. This includes an old buddy that is willing to inform on you to the FBI (Bruce Campbell) and a trigger happy ex girlfriend (Gabrielle Anwar). The entire show is narrated by Michael (Jeffery Donovan) and also occasionally stars Tricia Helfer (of Battlestar Galactic) and Michael Shanks (Stargate SG1).

Battlestar Galactica
At this particular moment there is not a better show on TV. You may dispute this. Go ahead. Knock yourself out but you’ll still be wrong. The show has captured the fascination of at least 4 out of 5 viewers and when it ends two months from now there will be a huge vacuum. The first 3 and a half seasons were spent following a similar story line as the original series…the search for Earth. As for the last half of the final season…you’ll just have to watch for yourself.

There are probably other shows out there that the rest of you feel deserves to be on the list. Some of you might prefer The Office, or Monk. My Name Is Earl seems to have a big following. There are the C.S.I.’s and any one of the Law and Orders. I know someone that just loves the show N3mbers. Family Guy is loved by many and The Simpson’s have been on TV since before 1990. And there are definitely others.

But this is my list so gigiddy-gigiddy, gigiddy-goo! (A co-worker got me started on saying this and I can’t stop.)

And for those of you wondering how the bet with Iowa Rob is going...good guys are up by 2

Sybil Hits Prime Time

It's after midnight, which technically makes it tomorrow. Since I'm up here's a lil bloggin for ya...

So there's a new show that The Admiral and I have been watching called The United States Of Tara. The premise is that there is a housewife that has a multiple peronallity disorder. To be more specific she has her normal self plus 3 "others".

One of the others is a 16 or 17 year old girl. Another is a 1950's style housewife, and the last is a guy. A very trailer park, redneck type guy.

The main personality is Tara. She's the mom with the "alters". She's dealing with it and so is her fam.

My point. I don't really have one. It's a good show and I'm in the middle of a bet here so I'm going to post about anything that catches my fancy.

If I were to have a point it would be that it's a good show and it's worth checking out. As Showtime shows go it's not as good as Californication but...

A Night At The Improv

I firmly believe that there should be some sort of signal light on my alarm clock. It could be keyed into some sort of Nostradamus loop and just by looking at the signal light you would know if you should stay in bed or get up and risk the day's activities. If such a light did exist, I can assure you that mine would have said roll back over and try again tomorrow.

However, since technology hasn't quite caught up to my needs yet I can announce that at 6:20 AM I'm already pissed off. Why you ask? Well...

Lets start with the fact that I have to break a promise that I made to myself. I promised myself that I was NOT going to mention Governor Boy-what-a-dick on this forum but the man is a sociopath. Seriously. Someone should go back and take a look at some of the unsolved crimes in Chicago and start checking up on whether or not he has an alibi. He's got that Bundy (Ted not Al) look in his eyes and I seriously believe that the moral switch that most of us have...the one that tells us if we're doing something that is right or wrong...is broken in this douche nozel.

The worst part about it is that he won't go away. He's already been impeached and he continues to work the talk show circuit. This isn't just bad because it gives him more of an audience than he deserves, it's also bad because then I have to hear him compare himself to Ghandi, Daniel (of the infamous lion's den caper), Martlin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandella, and most recently Christian Bale.

Now I'm not going to defend Bale's outbursts here but I will definitely say that an actor that is so concerned about getting the scene right that he screams at some douchebag camera guy for walking through the set when he's supposed to be off to the side is a far cry from some moron getting caught trying to sell a Senate Seat while being investigated for abuse of power.

Hey Dickhead! In the words of Ron White, the next time you have a thought...let it go!

And speaking of dicks. Dick Cheney is at it again. The good thing about Bush these last couple of weeks is that you haven't heard a peep out of him. But not Dick. Dick can't seem to shut up. I just love waking up to a warning from the former Vice President of a high probability of a nuclear or biological attack.

Here's a thought...Dick was so big on keeping Guantanamo open so before we close it let's send him down there and put him on trial for war crimes. Yes I'm serious. The man is an asshole and he should pay for what he's done.

But despite all of this the douchebag of the day (so far) award goes to the folks at Wells Fargo. They (after getting caught) cancelled the company trip to Vegas. Hooray! But in doing so they issued a statement that essentially said that despite having cancelled the trip they wanted to assure the American people that they were not planning on spending any of the received Bailout money on this trip. They were only going to spend their money...not yours or mine.

Wwwwwhhhhaaaattttttt?!?!?!!?!?!

In case that last word didn't make sense to you all that was my head exploding while saying what.

Just because my rich uncle tosses me some cash doesn't mean I can forgo paying my bills and fly off to Jamaica. It's not ok. You just can't do that. So why don't you fuckers just give our money back to us and then you can do whatever you'd like with your money. Just don't come running back to us when things don't quite work out. Instead take what little pocket change you have left and go to your local adult sex toy shop. Buy as many "attachments" as you can get your hands on and GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!

And now for a little levity.

Improv comedy at it's best.

Oh the irony of Richard Simmons playing the straight man (or prop as the case may be).

Who's Line Is It Anyway (America)




Thank God You're Here (Australia)



Do you remember where you were when this man died?

Gettin All "Bendy"

So I recently proposed a "Flex Schedule" to my boss for the folks that work for me. As a result of this suggestion I've been asked to write a proposal to justify it so that it can be approved by the prez of the company.

"What?!?!?!? Me just saying it isn't enough for you?"

So while generating this proposal I decided to seek some help from the Google Wizards and see what they had to offer. Here's something I found that may inspire some of you if you decide to have this conversation with your superiors. As for the video that follows...this is what happens when you do a search for "Firefly + Jane + Bendy".

It's not called Random Thoughts from a Spaz for nuthin...

Courtesy of lifemeetswork.com

Proposing a Flex Schedule

Show careful consideration and foresight when crafting a flexible work proposal. Your boss needs assurances that the work will be accomplished on time, without negative impacts on your coworkers or clients.

Win your boss’s confidence by addressing these key considerations:

When & Where
* What type(s) of flexible work arrangements(s) are you interested in?
* How long do you plan to work the arrangement(s)?
* What hours and days are you proposing to work and from what location(s)?
* Outline the basics. Acknowledge that your company has the right to rescind flex-work benefits at any time, but ask for appropriate notice if you’ll need to make alternate childcare arrangements.

Availability
* Are there specific hours that you must be present to accomplish your responsibilities?
* Will you be able to continue to meet deadlines and be available for critical situations?
* Will you make arrangements to be on-site for critical deadlines?
* Show that your proposed flexible option can accommodate these responsibilities. Develop a plan for work emergencies with backups such as drop-in childcare, family assistance, and/or teleconferencing.

Impact on Coworkers & Clients
* How will communication with your team, co-workers, managers, and customers differ once you are on a flexible schedule?
* Who will be most impacted by this flexible schedule?
* Is there a possibility of job-sharing for tasks need to be performed on-site?
* List benefits and challenges of this new arrangement as they impact your internal and external customers, employees, co-workers, manager and company. Will you be more productive without workplace disruptions? Will availability increase without a long daily commute? Show a plan for addressing the challenges or demonstrate that they benefits outweigh any negatives.

Connectivity
* Do you have the equipment/technology to work off-site?
* Are you willing to invest in new equipment?
* Are you looking for your employer to reimburse expenses?
* Many companies will ask remote employees to provide their own computer, high-speed Internet access, and phone line. These are already fairly common in American households, and some employers feel that providing this equipment would be akin to subsidizing your personal technology.

If you will be working remotely full-time, you can expect the company to supply a computer, the same as if you were working in the office.

Consider data security, information backup, and access to company data as well. Ensure security and backups by working directly through the company server, provided your company has a VPN (virtual private network). Alternately, you could access your desktop remotely with a subscription tool like GoToMyPC.

Performance
* Can you complete all of your current job responsibilities while working a flexible schedule?
* How is productivity guaranteed?
* How and when will you and your manager assess the effectiveness of your arrangements?
* Identify several key performance indicator areas and set up a frequent review process, starting with 30, 60 and 90 day reviews.

Document your plan in a thorough proposal that addresses each of these considerations. Give your boss confidence that you can be successful and you’ll be more likely to get a ‘yes!’

Fists Of Freedom

Part of the bet requires that I actually remember what is going on when it happens as opposed to when you (or I really) get around to finally posting about it. And as previously mentioned it also means posting about every inane thing that comes to mind NO MATTER WHAT.

This means a lot of shorter posts but...

So there's an entire world out ther where people that love each other do some things that are considered a bit kinky to the rest of the masses. They are free and open and comfortable with their bodies and with their sexuatlity. These are you neighbors, your PTA membors, your Mail Deliverers, your Managers. They are everywhere so deal with it. They could even be running the country?

I give you Soup

Keepin' Up With The Robszez...or All Apologies

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. The wrong team won. Period. I may delve into that more futher later but probably not. A.D.D. is a bitch, and being a spaz makes it worse. Having said that, today while hanging out at The Winchester, watching the big game I found myself roped into a wager with a new friend of mine.

It's completely my fault because I berated him for not posting on his blog. I did this because when we met he seemed pretty gung ho about the hole "blogging" thing, but since then (and since I've added his link to this forum) he's been RADIO SILENT.

I brought this up to him today during the Arizona Cardinal loss to the Pittsburgh Steal ers (yes I spelled it that way on purpose) in today's Super Bowl, and he (Iowa Rob) decided that a wager would fix the entire thing.

Rob decided that the one thing that would fix his reticence was to make a bet with me.

The bet?

In simplistic terms it's to post as much as you can. In more detail it involves posting every day. For every day you don't post (and the other does) you owe a beer. If memory serves (hey it's Super Bowl Sunday and I've been drinking so keep your judging to yourself) we make a talley on a 2 week basis.

I suspect that after today the score will be tied at 1. But I'm a movie guy and the easiest way to sum this bet up for me is to quote "Without A Paddle".

"I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to out run you!"

As for the "All Apologies" portion of the title. I like to tell myself that I don't post as much because I'm saving my cleverness for something that strikes my fancy. That I'm waiting to post about something that is meaningful. But I'm a competitive man by nature and that means that you folks are in store for a bunch of nonsense for as long as it takes.

This means that I'm going to post about some extremely inane shit. For how long you ask? I have no idea. But I could very well be scribing an entire mundane post about Grandma Numchuck in the very near future. Not very entertaining (or interesting) but if it wins the bet...Let's just say that you should all familiarize yourselves with Joel McHale.

Those of you that know, and love, me truly understand. For the rest of you...I hope you'll come along for the ride.

And now I give you the poetry of Kobain performed by Sineaid O'Conner. Oh, and as for the cover pic...this is what you get when you've been drinking and you google "without a paddle".