Wednesday, March 25, 2009

E.F. Hutton

For those of you that missed last nights press conference (like myself) here it is in its entirety.



Monday, March 23, 2009

Friday, March 20, 2009

So Say We All!


Now that Gillian Anderson has gotten your attention I’d like to remind you that in just a few short arns the final episode of BSG will begin airing. This means it is at long last time to unveil the top Science Fiction TV shows of all time. So with a couple of healthy fingers of Macallan 18 at my side and the SciFi Networks BSG marathon in the background I offer up my thoughts on this controversial subject.

10. The Twilight Zone




This is where it all started really. Airing for 5 years (1959 - 1964), it covered everything from space monsters to time travel to alternate realities. I honestly don’t know one person over the age of 30 that has never seen at least one episode. And the voice of the shows creator Rod Sterling saying the words “You unlock this door with the key of imagination…”. The show was so good that it ran for 155 episodes. In today’s numbers where a season typically lasts just over 20 episodes that’s a full 7 seasons worth of solid entertainment.

9. Quantum Leap


Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap Accelerator and vanished. Quantum Leap was the story of accidental hero Sam Beckett who had the misfortune of “leaping” into other folks’ lives so that he could put right what had gone wrong in this persons personal history. We’re not talking Voyagers here, we’re talking doing something for the little guy. It was Scott Bakula’s big break and it aired from 1989 - 1993. Once it was all said and done they had aired 97 episodes over 5 seasons.

8. The X Files



The X Files was as successful of a TV show as there was in the 90’s. It was the show to watch and quickly became must see TV. And I so doing it opened up a new genre of science fiction. We watched as FBI agent Fox Mulder dedicated his life and his badge to the pursuit of the abnormal all in the hopes that it would somehow bring him closer to the truth of what happened to his kid sister. His partner was the highly skeptical and very delicious Dana Scully. An agent with a scientific mind that believed to her core that there was a reasonable explanation for any and all of the paranormal encounters that Mulder believed so strongly in. The show spawned 2 movies and lasted for 201 episodes. It was on the air from 1993 - 2002 which seems almost unfathomable for any show let alone a science fiction one. To my knowledge this has happened twice (but more on this at the number 4 spot.

7. Stargate Atlantis



The first spin off of the countdown goes to a show that I was very skeptical about and really wanted to hate. Needless to say it grew on me a bit and after having a solid run of 5 full seasons it has earned its way onto this list. Give me a group of explorers fighting heavy odds and finding a way to win just by the skin of their teeth any time. It was on the air from 2004 - 2009 and lasted for a full 99 episodes. Like most good Sci Fi shows it was cut short before it really needed to be.

6. Star Trek - The Next Generation



They say that there are 2 types of Trekkies. You’re either a TOSer or a TNGer. Personally I never really got into TNG, but I can’t deny the seriously heavy following that it has nor can I deny how very successful the show was. Hell two of my closes friends hooked up while watching the show. 4 movies, 7 full seasons, and 176 episodes. The show aired from 1987 - 1994, and it’s setting was a few decades after the original series had completed it’s 5 year mission. TNG revived a titan of an idea and resulted in a franchise of shows that had this list been longer…

We’re at the half way point and the easy part is done. I’ve had a tough time ranking the top 5 portion of this list and to be perfectly honest I’ve changed my mind twice just while composing the first part of this post on which show should be 4th. So you can imagine how tough it’s been for me to list off numbers 1 - 3. It’s a good thing I’m a golf enthusiast. See in golf leader boards if you’re not in first place all by yourself then you’re tied for first. Everyone that finishes with the same score get’s to be number 1. That’s great news if you’re one of those folks. Of course if you’re just one behind that group you don’t get to say you came in second. You’re placing is based on the number of folks that tied at the spot ahead of you. If there are three number ones then you’re in fourth place. If there are 4 number ones you’re in fifth, and so on. Hopefully you’ve got the idea by now.

4. Star Trek - The Original Series



Space. The final frontier. Yes it was cheesy. Yes it was low budget. Hell, the word campy even comes to mind. But the word LOVE doesn’t do this show and it’s followers enough justice. James Tiberius Kirk and his crew were on a 5 year mission that in real time only lasted for 3 years. It aired from 1966 - 1969 and compiled 80 episodes once it was all said and done. There have been movies, countless books and conventions. It is the patriarch of a tremendous franchise. William Shatner is truly a hack of an actor, and with even putting those words on here I have upset millions of people. My friend Harley Charger is at this very moment thinking up a proper retort for this statement. But no matter how much of a hack Shat is he remains iconic for this role. I myself am a TOSer.

4. Stargate SG1


Some of you will question this show being as high as it is. It’s premise after all was based off of a movie. It didn’t retain any one from the movies cast. And every alien world they went to the inhabitants spoke English. All very true. And with all of that said this show lasted for 10 full seasons and was the catalyst for a successful spin off in SG Atlantis, with a much anticipated second spin off in SG Universe still in production. Think about it folks…10 seasons. 213 episodes that aired from 1997 - 2007. Most will remember Richard Dean Anderson as MacGuyver but I will always think of him as Col. Jack Oneill.

And now I give you the leaders…

1. Farscape



Here’s a horrible idea. We’re going to take a bunch of no name actors (at least not known in Hollywood). Toss in a few Muppets. And put them on (what started out as) a low budget Sci Fi show filmed in Australia. It worked! The biggest problem this show had in being successful for longer than it was, was that it was always done outside of the mainstream. Sadly it only lasted for 4 seasons. From 1999 - 2003 they aired 88 frelling episodes all in all and it was abruptly cancelled by my beloved Sci Fi Network while they were filming season four. The outcry from the fans of the show (we like to call ourselves Scapers) can still be heard. For our patronage they allowed the cast and crew to return and film a rushed mini-series that provided little to no closure for all of us.

1. Firefly


And speaking of shows that should have never been cancelled…Josh Whedon’s Firefly goes straight to the top of the list. It lasted for a disappointing 13 episodes in 2002 and the folks at Fox never did it justice. They aired them out of there originally intended order. Ultimately they just didn’t get it and the result was a cancellation and an outcry from my fellow Brown Coats. Oh for what could have been. Thankfully the out rage and devotion from the shows fan base resulted in the movie Serenity which hit theaters in 2005.

Which brings us finally to…

1. Battlestar Galactica



I really don’t know where to begin. How do you describe one of the best frakking shows to ever hit the air waves? Perhaps you do it by calling it what the Admiral calls it which is Ga-Crack-Tica. It really is like a drug. And tonight it all comes to an end. If you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, “What’s this? They remade Galactica?” Please do us all a favor and go out and stand in the middle of the interstate. You don’t deserve to be here among the breathing and the world will be a better place without you. All in all what started out as a 4 hour mini-series ended up lasting for 73 episodes. Having aired from 2004 - 2009 it has become one of the best shows of any genre on TV. The show is fresh, edgy, inspiring, and NEEDS TO NOT END!!!!

But if you are a Sci Fi fan you already know this though.

So say we all!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not The Bosstones


Some impressions are more difficult than others but they are that much more impressive for that fact. Tons of people are doing President Bush (Sr. & Jr.). Ronald Reagan impersonators were everywhere years ago. Christopher Walken...seen it! But what about McConauhey and Washington? Get some!

Matthew


Denzel

Circle Get's The Square


If you have a computer…

Which by the way has to be the dumbest post lead-in for me in quite a while since if you don’t you’re probably not reading this…where was I…

Right…if you have a computer, and most importantly an email address, you’ve gotten an email similar to the one that I got today. I’m not referring to the one from that long lost relative in Nigeria that just needs your help in securing the billions of dollars you have unknowingly inherited. I’m also NOT referring to the countless penis enlargement medicinal offerings that are filling your junk mail at this very moment.

I’m referring to the jokes. Sometime they’re good…mostly they’re horrible. A lot of times they come with some ridiculous “knowing is half the battle”, “Jerry Springer’s final thought” moral of the day BS that makes me roll my eyes and cover my mouth to keep my lunch in. Because I love my peeps I have removed that portion from this text.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Lonelyness!
And the audience laughed for another 10 to 15 minutes.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is
attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


Reading through these reminded me of the good times when Orb and I lived together and we’d sit and watch the original Match Game. You know these guys were drunk and stoned during the filming of the show but it was so good no one cared.

To prove my point, here's a couple of clips of Gene Rayburn, Fannie Flag, Dicky Dawson and all the rest at their finest.