Kids...Lawn...Vacate {NSFW}

There are moments in my life wher I just feel old and out of touch. This is one of them. A coworker, who I really enjoy talking to, despite the 12 year age difference, brought the following music video to my attention.

Now don't get me wrong. I appreciate a beautiful woman as much as, if not more so, than the next guy. Especially when she's strutting around on stage nekkid. But I have no idea what this song is about. And that bothers me. Unless its an over blown self promotion from a silver spooner that shouldn't need the press.

Sigh...

Happy Opening Day!

As big a football fan as I am (and this cannot be overstated), there is something magical about the opening day of baseball. So in honor of that I give you one of the funniest skits ever known to man. This is a classic that has held up for decades.

As a bonus, and for the uninitiated, here's an explanation of America's Pastime from the eyes of a Brit.

Sticks and Stones

This post will be odd for me.  It's a little bit of a view of the man behind the curtain.  Which is a rule I really don't like to break.  At least not for the masses. 

My self image is pretty pathetic.  When I was a freshman in high school I tried out for the wrestling team.  I'd taken part in football practice and played on the practice squad of my high school football team.  I'd outperformed a lot of the guys on this team.  But I was too small.  Not just in the eyes of the coaches and players who snickered at me behind my back, and in many instances in front of my face.

 

But I was also considered too frail and small, by a single mother, who wanted nothing more than to keep her eldest son safe.  "Run track again", she counseled.  "What about the soccer team?", she asked.  Never mind that my passion since the age of 2, when I simulated snapping a football in front of the television, had always been football.  I was too small.  So in order to play the sport I loved I had to be on the practice squad.

I digress.

I'd started by saying that when I was a freshman I tried out for the wrestling team.  I was 5' 8", and weighed somewhere around 70 - 75 pounds.  I participated in the 78lb Weight Class.  I was a skinny, lanky, awkward boy.  More limb than torso.  But, I was tenaceous and even though it was only my innaugaral year, I advanced all the way to State Regionals.  

Despite the fact that I was now good at two sports I was still viewed as "too small" by everyone around me.

This is the Self Image I've carried with myself for the entirety of my life.  The frail, lanky, awkward black kid, at a mostly white school.  The kid that had to be funny as a defense mechanism.  The kid that always had a quick wit, and was even fleeter of foot if his wit ever got beyond him.  The kid that couldn't get a date because...well...who wants to go out with a kid that looks like a reject from a casting of We Are The World extras.  No one wanted to be me and girls avoided me. 

I found myself to be the butt of plenty of jokes, most of which I didn't notice at the time but are clear to me now.  If I were in a John Hughes movie I'd be cast as a Misfit at best.  I'm not complaining mind you, but I am very aware of how it affected the person I am today.  And I want better for the kids of today.  Not for any altruistic reasons.  Not because I have a 15 year old daughter.  Although these reasons are both solid.

I want this, mostly, because no one should have to endure bullying of any sort.  No one should be told they aren't good enough to go after their dreams. 

I'm not complaining about where I ended up in life.  Heck.  I'd be the first to admit that it's made me the person I am today, and I kind of like that guy. 

But I hate what it took to get here.  It was ugly.  It was brutal.  It was emasculating.  It was mean and unfair and lonely. 

But mostly...

It was sad. And as I look back on the last 42 years, I know that at times my greatest achievement was surviving the voices.  Not just the dissenting ones that came from society.  Heaven knows they were loud and obnoxious.  But they were dwarfed by the ones that played in my own head.

I don't know why I'm writing any of this.  Or even why I write anything for that matter.  I suppose it has a therapeutic value.  It makes me feel "less small" in the grand scheme of things.

About a decade ago, my wife, aka "The Admiral" managed to convince me that I'm not too small.  That I'm beautiful in my own awkward, geeky, kinky, fan boy way.  So for the bullied and the beautiful I offer this.

I hope it brings as much comfort and inspiration to you as it does to me.

Plurality

Enjoy!  'Nuff said. 

Timeless

Today is one of those days that I find myself in the mood to whistle.  I started just whistling random songs but by 7:30 (my day starts pretty early) I’d centered on one in particular.  Peter and the Wolf.

 

It's been close to 35 years since I last saw this but there's one thing that hasn't changed.  It is impossible to be in a foul mood when whistling Peter's theme.

 

So sit back and take 15 minutes of your day to appreciate this timeless classic!

 

Everyone's A Critic

What follows is a film review.  It was not written by yours truly, but it is impressive in it's detail.  Hell I've never even seen the film, but I'd have given the author an "A" just for the effort to translate the video content into something so vivid.

 

This Is Officially Awesome...

And a little scary.  Ladies if you think he's staring at you...well he probably is.  And he could even be recording it.

Soon to follow...POV porn.  Oh c'mon.  I can't be the only one thinking it

Angry Hate F*cking Rocker Chicks...Yum

I'm definitely not as "posty" as I used to be but those that have frequented my musings know that the best chance of getting something new from me will happen right after the end of football season.  A tough Seahawks loss, and a nasty flu bug have delayed things a bit but for those of you that were hoping I'd offer something up, here it is.

I've always been drawn to angry, hate fucking, rocker chicks.  I find them incredibly sexy.  It probably has something to do with them being so dainty, yet so fearless.  I love the ink, and the different hair shades, and the jumping up and down.  But most of all, I love how they can usually sing their asses off, and surprise you with it.  They leave you saying "where the fuck did that come from". 

With that I give you Lzzy Hale, lead singer of Halestorm.  I could say a bunch of flowery shit to convince you that they're worth your hard earned coin but instead I'll let Lzzy and her brother do the convincing for me.

Freak Like Me

Mz. Hyde

And the one that most are familiar with...

I Miss the Misery

United We Stand...



We are not as divided as our politics may suggest…

 

The promise of Today, surrounded by the promise of tomorrow

These words rang hollow in my ears.  They were part of the President’s acceptance speech.    As is typical, they were words filled with hope and inspiration.  And as is typical, I felt as if he were speaking directly to me.  As if he’d looked into my living room and said, “Don’t be so discouraged Aagro.  We are not as divided as our politics suggest”

I wasn’t buying it.

I’d seen the map.  It was peppered in red and blue clumps.  There were no areas that were partially red, or partially blue.  If an area of the country voted one way, its neighbors did as well.  Sure within each state the vote may have been closer than this but that only made me feel more divided.  More isolated.  Six years ago a good friend suggested to me that we were drawing ever closer to a Civil War.  That the nation was so divided, so polarized, an actual physical Civil war was inevitable.  I argued for the better nature of humanity and our country, but sitting in my living room this Tuesday, I had to wonder if he was right.

This is how The Wool Omnibus begins

We are not as divided as our politics may suggest…

Two weeks before the election, a co-worker was near tears with the belief that Governor Romney would win the election.  I’d analyzed poll after poll and was certain at that time that it wouldn’t be close, and that she could rest easy.  I explained a few demographics, in certain key regions of the country to her.  By the time the conversation was over, she was confident in the chances that the POTUS would be reelected. 

Fast forward to Election Day where some things have changed, and I’ve managed to talk myself into believing that it’s closer than anyone could ever imagine.  I no longer trust the data that I’d studied for weeks.  I’ve drawn up realistic scenarios that have Governor Romney winning.  Ohio was obvious, but I’d boiled the entire election down to the state of Virginia.  At least a half dozen times during the day someone asked me what I thought was going to happen.  My answer was always the same, “the polls in Virginia close at 4 our time.” 

4 o’clock hits and polls begin closing.  Sitting in my living room, I anxiously await the results from Virginia.  I’ve done my best Eeyore impersonation all day.  I want this to be over with.  I want to sit with my glass of wine and relax and enjoy the circus that is election night.  But Virginia is ‘Too Close To Call’.  Other states roll in.  Red, red, red, red.  A tiny state in the north east goes blue.  The TV Networks plea to those watching to contact their friends and remind them to ‘Stay in Line’.  The battle has begun.

We are not as divided as our politics may suggest…

The election ends almost 4 hours later as Virginia finally gets called.  Some believe it happened when Ohio was secured but the truth is that the math would not have added up at that point anyway, as the remaining states were what the networks refer to as ‘blue leaning’ (a term I hate).  Virginia is called, and Ohio shortly thereafter.  The POTUS has won reelection.  The map of the nation resembles a post-apocalyptic science fiction map.  The kind where the country has been split into three or four separate nations.  It is a map that says, “we are as divided as our politics may suggest”.  Donald Trump proceeds to send out several tweets calling for a revolution.  He’s called for a  “march on Washington”.  Karl Rove has declared the results in Ohio premature, ignoring the math in the other states, and ignoring the results altogether.

We may be closer to this than any of us care to admit

Another hour goes by and there’s been no word from either the Romney camp or the Obama camp.  The image of the now almost full Electoral Map lingers.  My friends’ warnings of a civil war come racing to my mind.

We are not as divided as our politics may suggest…

Five days ago the President reiterated this theme.  He reminded us that there is work to be done but to not lose hope because we are not a conglomeration of red states and blue states.  We are the United States of America.  They were pretty words, but at the time seemed less weighty than in past years.

But five days later I can tell you that he’s right.  WE ARE NOT AS DIVIDED AS OUR POLITICS MAY SUGGEST!  I’ve revisited this election and the results.  More importantly, I’ve revisited the demographics of those that voted for the President.  Here are the percentages of particular voting populations that voted for the POTUS:
* Black 93%
* Asians 73%
* Latinos 71%
* Young voters ages 18 – 30 60%
* Women 55%
* White Males 39%

These numbers suggest to me that we are more unified than the red and blue stained map of our nation would indicate.  I see this list and I think, bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.  I look at these numbers and I see HOPE.  I see a representation of what our country is.  

The new Elecorate?

 We are not as divided as our politics may suggest…

There is still work to be done.  A lot of it.  We have a lot of problems that will require all of us working together to get them solved.  There is a prosperity gap.  A seemingly insurmountable National Debt.  Problems with our tax code.  A Medicare system that must be fixed sooner rather than later.  Same with Social Security. A looming Energy Crisis.  A “de-tarnishing” of the global brand known as the U.S.A.  No one side can fix all of these things alone.  No one side should have to.

But the good news is…we’re not as divided as our politics suggest. 

Humor Me

Branching Out

A little over a week or so ago, I was ranting with a friend at work about various little irritations.  You probably do this yourself from time to time.  Maybe it's some idiot that cut you off on your way in, or was tailgating you, or maybe wouldn't get out of your way.  Maybe it was the lady in front of you at the grocery store last night that had 30 items in the 15 Or Less aisle.

The point is, these little irritating moments happen to all of us.  So why not talk about them?  Better yet.  What if you could send them a letter?  That's what my friend suggested I do.  Whenever the "Inspiration of Irritation" strikes, share it with those you love.  Or as they put it, "post that sh*t yo".

This is the premise that sparked my new blog "Dear D-Bag".  I'm gonna let my angst out on all of life's little irritating moments.  Because I can. 

This probably isn't the most original of ideas.  I don't mind that.  In fact, to me it just reinforces the idea that it's the right thing to do.  Enjoy!!!

~Aagro

They left out Orlovski

It's been too long since I've offered up a Clip O the Week. But its been a while since something compelled me to do so. Without further adieu I give you this lil diddy. Enjoy!

May the Fourth be with you

Mild Irritation

Sort of silly but the Fan Boy in me is bothered by the Avengers movie poster. Why is Tony Stark's face being shown here?

He's in battle and the Armor should be completely on. Just sayin. I know that it's Robert Downy Jr. and he's famous, and (probably) deserves top billing for the movie but the Armor should be fully on.

End of rant!

2012 Mock Draft

We are exactly 1 week away from the 2012 NFL Draft and that means its time release my Mock Draft. None of this is gospel and I have no idea what is really going to happen next Thursday. Quite frankly, anyone that tells you they know what players are going where is full of sh*t. We’re all clueless. Let’s just be honest about it. But these are some guesses on what could
happen.

There are gonna be trades. I expect there to be more trades in the first round than we’ve seen in recent history. Some of you are going to laugh when you see Weedon’s name in the first round. But I’m sure that all of you that are laughing expected 4 QB’s to be drafted in the first 12 picks last year. QB’s get over valued. This year won’t be any different. Same thing goes for Wide Outs. Getting a good one is tough to do and teams are starting to reach for them earlier and earlier. Last year, Atlanta paid a hefty sum for the opportunity to draft Julio Jones. It happens.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together, and as always, feel free to comment. Let’s get to it!



1.1 Colts – Andrew Luck (QB, Stanford). This is an easy one really. Barring some sort of injury this has been the pick since about week 4 of last season. That’s about the time the fans in Indy started wearing Luck jerseys to the games. Any other pick would be a PR night mare.

1.2 Redskins – Robert Griffin (QB, Baylor). No surprise here. Many think he’s the best QB in the draft and is worthy of the number one overall pick.

1.3 Vikings – Matt Kalil (OT, Southern Cal). This is the last of the gimme picks in this year’s draft. Personally, I think that a strong case could be made for taking Richardson (RB, Alabama) here. Peterson continues to have injury issues and isn’t getting any younger. But there’s too much money tied up in Peterson, and Ziggy wants a new stadium so Kalil will be the pick.

1.4 Browns – Trent Richardson (RB, Alabama). Mike Holmgren is the Kingpin of the early portion of round 1. So this is where things get interesting. Having missed out on Griffin, Manning, Flynn, etc. they find themselves in the Colt McCoy business. There’s nothing worse than trying to talk yourself into believing a QB is good. Many believe that Tannehil (QB, Texas A &M) will be the pick here. I don’t think Holmgren will draft another project QB. And if he does it certainly won’t be with the 4th overall pick. Others believe that it makes more sense to give McCoy an offensive weapon at the wide out spot. This would mean drafting Blackmon (WR, OK St). I think Trent is the pick here. I grew up believing that a QB’s best friend is a solid running game. Having that in Cleveland should buy the Browns another year with Colt, or another Rookie, at the helm.

1.5 Buccaneers – Morris Claiborne (CB, LSU). This pick is one of the more obvious ones. If Richardson were still available it might give them pause but Claiborne still needs to be the pick. Aquib Talib is talented, but he’s a head case and has Pacman Jones type tendencies. Ronde is old. While his mind is still willing, his flesh is clearly weak. Add to this the rumored move to Safety (which should have happened 2 years ago). Bottom line, is that Claiborne becomes a no brainer at 5.



1.6 Rams – Justin Blackmon (WR, OK St). Personally I think the Rams need more help on the defensive side of the ball. But I also recognize that they won’t pass up an opportunity to add weapon at the Wide Receiver position. Particularly after losing Brandon Lloyd earlier this offseason.

1.7 Jaguars – Michael Floyd (WR, Notre Dame). Jacksonville needs everything. Hell, they could even use a solid back up at RB, since there’s no way Pocket Hercules can continue to carry this team without getting more help. Blain Gabbert is awful. There’s not much pass rush to speak of. Quite frankly this team is a mess. They could take Coples (DE, North Carolina) or Ingram (LB, South Carolina). It would be a solid move and probably what they should do. But the owner is in love with Gabbert and that means getting him some weapons to play with. It also means that drafting a QB here (namely Tannehil) won’t happen. So they’ll draft Floyd along with his drinking problem. Then somewhere around week 5 Henne will be brought in to pick up the pieces. Are there any Jaguars in Los Angeles?

1.8 Dolphins – Ryan Tannehil (QB, Texas A & M). To be honest I don’t think believe that Tannehil is worth a top 20 pick, let alone being drafted at 8. But having missed out on Manning and Flynn; and having settled on Gerard (?); they’ve painted themselves into a corner. They just don’t have a choice anymore. So Tannehil will find himself reunited with his HC from college and begin competing immediately for the starting role.

1.9 Panthers – Fletcher Cox (DT, Mississippi). This is a “Belief” pick. It’s another situation where Coples Ingram or possibly even Dontari Poe (DT, Memphis) could (and maybe even should) get drafted. But Carolina’s defensive middle was so soft last year that I just don’t know how they can pass up filling it with a big body Cox’s. He doesn’t have the work ethic questions that may have to be answered if they were to select Poe. Still in order to pick him at 9 someone in Carolina will have to “Believe” that he’s the real deal and as Mike Mayock likes to say, “be willing to pound the table in defense of drafting him over Ingram or Coples. I think the need for interior line play is strong enough to pull the trigger on Cox.

1.10 Bills – Riley Reiff (OT, Iowa). With the exception of possibly WR, the greatest need the Bills have is on the O-line. Quite frankly they can’t afford to pass Reiff up. David DeCastro (OG, Stanford) is also a possibility here but I think Reiff gets the nod.

1.11 Chiefs – David DeCastro (OG, Stanford). If you’re a Chiefs fan you’ve gotta be sick of seeing your QB get his tail handed to him every time he drops back to pass. Especially if it means that you end up sending your 3rd stringer out there because everyone else has gotten hurt. So unless Tannehil is still on the board, the pick should go to fixing the woes on the O-line.



1.12 Seahawks – Quinton Coples (DE, North Carolina). Seattle finds themselves in the unique position of not really being able to screw up the 12th pick (unless they reach for a QB). The biggest needs are on the defensive side of the ball. The specific needs are for a stud pass rusher or quality LB. I love Luke Kuechly (LB, Boston College), and if he’s the pick I’m ok with it. But it’s impossible to pass up Quinton Coples at this spot.

1.13 Cardinals – Cordy Glenn (OL, Georgia). Zona has needs. Lots of ‘em. Despite winning 7 games last year they have more holes than they can possibly fill. But they should start with fixing things up front. Glenn played both Guard positions and Left Tackle over the course of 36 games in college. He’s versatile and should still be there at 13.

1.14 Cowboys – Mark Barron (S, Alabama). Sort of a no-brainer here for Dallas. Too many issues in the secondary and not all of them could be addressed in Free Agency. You could make a strong argument for Dre Kirkpatrick (CB, Alabama) or Stephon Gilmore (CB, South Carolina) but I’m not sold on either them being as complete a player as Barron. Dontari Poe is also a possibility here but I wouldn’t count on it as the secondary just has to get fixed.

1.15 Eagles – Dontari Poe (DT, Memphis). Philly lost a lot of games last year where they simply rolled over against the run. In fact they let 3 NFC West teams embarrass their run defense last year, so finding a run stuffer really should be a priority for them. I’ve seen a few Mock Drafts that have Michael Brockers going to the city of brotherly love. But Andy Reid loves a project, and he loves to prove that he can mold a player that others are willing to pass on.

1.16 Jets – Melvin Ingram (LB, South Carolina). The only thing that the Jets need more than a Quarter Back, is a Safety. But since neither are available here at 16, their eyes should gravitate towards improving the pass rush. Coach Ryan will love having this someone around who’s hero is Ray Lewis.

1.17 Bengals – Jonathan Martin (OL, Stanford) I gave a lot of consideration to Mike Adams (OL, Ohio St.) at this pick but I think he’ll be there at 21 when the Bengals pick again. Andy Whitworth did a decent job last year. But if you’re in a division with the Ravens and the Steelers it can’t hurt to continue shoring up the O-line. I’m of the opinion that Adams is more of Guard at the next level, but he’s versatile enough to fill in at other spots if needed.

1.18 Chargers – Kendall Wright (WR, Baylor). Replacing Vincent Jackson won’t be easy. They’ve got a couple other solid options at wide out already with Brown, Floyd, and Crayton. But at the very least losing Jackson means losing quality depth. O-line is another position that will need to be addressed.

1.19 Bears – Michael Brockers (DT, LSU). Packer fans will hate this pick and that should be good enough reason for any Bear fan.

1.20 Titans – Dre Kirkpatrick (CB, Alabama). It was tough for me to avoid a WR pick here. But ever since the days of Pacman Jones there’s been a growing need. Kirkpatrick is as good a start to fixing this problem as will be available with the 20th pick.



1.21 Bengals – Mike Adams (OL, Ohio St.). This is a growing theme of mine for the Bengals. Protecting young Andy Dalton has to be a priority. Everything else will flow from there. I’m of the opinion that Adams is more of Guard at the next level, but he’s versatile enough to fill in at other spots if needed.

1.22 Browns – Brandon Weedon (QB, OK St.). We know someone is going to make a reach and none of us really believe that Cleveland has long term faith in Colt McCoy. Add to all of this the hubris that Holmgren has in his ability to make anyone a good QB (Seneca Wallace anyone?) and I can really see the Browns spending the 22nd pick on a Quarter Back.

1.23 Lions – Stephen Hil (WR, Georgia Tech). I know what a lot of you are thinking. They don’t need another Wide Receiver. What they need most is help in the secondary. You’re right. But there’s not one name in the secondary that I would trust at 23. But I’ll tell you what does sound familiar. A big Georgia Tech WR (Hill is 6 ft 4), with decent speed (he ran a 4:36 at the Combine), and good hands. Now I’m not saying that he’s another Calvin Johnson. Hill needs to work on his route running and, I’d love to see him develop more of a “my ball” mentality.

1.24 Steelers – Courtney Upshaw (LB, Alabama). Pittsburgh is notorious for taking the best available player on the board. Upshaw has been projected as high as 7th overall so seeing him still available at 24 is an easy fit. His football IQ is good enough to grasp anything that the Steelers will throw at him with their complex schemes.

1.25 Broncos – Whitney Mercilus (DE, Illinois.). After missing out on Jeff Saturday this off season it would be easy to see Denver select Peter Konz (C, Wisconsin) but where they really need help is on the defensive line. I know some don’t view it this way but currently they’re rolling with Ty Warren and Kevin Vickerson. The correct response to these names is “who?” If Mercilus is still there 25 he has to be the pick.

1.26 Texans – Reuben Randle (WR, LSU). Our final WR to be drafted in the first round will be Randle. It’s a reach, but this is the spot that they’ll want to address. They could also be leaning towards Coby Fleener (TE, Stanford) but I’ve never been a fan of drafting a Tight End in the first round.

1.27 Patriots – Jerel Worthy (DT, Michigan St.). I’m lying if I say that I have even the slightest inkling what Bellichick is going to do here. But I have to imagine that it will be something to help out the defensive line. Last year they tried fixing this hole with free agency. It’s time to get young again.



1.28 Packers – Luke Kuechly (LB, Boston College). The rich get richer. Clay Matthews needs some help on the other side. Enter Luke Kuechly. He’s smart and has a nose for the ball. He’ll be a nice addition to the green and gold.

1.29 Ravens – Peter Konz (C, Wisconsin). One of the easier picks at this stage of the draft. Getting help at Center is something that Baltimore has to do.

1.30 49ers – Coby Fleener (TE, Stanford). Captain Khaki knows the kid and what he’s capable of. And as much as I hate the premise of “he coached him in college so he’ll draft him in the pros…” Harbaugh has proven that he has an affinity for his guys. Why else would he pick up Josh Johnson as a Free Agent.

1.31 Patriots – Harrison Smith (DB, Notre Dame). Jan Jenkins was a possibility here but he’s way too fond of the ganja to spend a 1st round pick on. Bellichick has always been smart about the true value of a player.

1.32 Giants – Don’t’a Highttower (LB, Alabama). He’s as NFL ready as they come and defensive depth is a valued commodity in the Big Apple.

There you have it folks. My thoughts on how Round 1 of the 2012 NFL Draft could play out. Pass the chips please.

14 and 72. In Defense of Eldrick

This is bullshit

I’ve made a comment that requires clarification. The comment you ask? “Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer to ever play the game.”

You da man

A statement filled with hyperbole, such as this one, requires explanation. But in order to explain my stance on this I have to get you the reader to view the game of golf from a different prism. Golf has always been an exclusionary sport. Its very name is exclusionary in its origin. It literally stands for Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden. That’s right, women! Screw Title 9. You don’t belong. Now go make me a sandwich.

This is also a loose translation of what Vijay Singh said about Annika Sorenstam in 2003 when she became the first woman to compete on the PGA Tour since 1945. She didn’t belong and he hoped she missed the cut. Stay classy

Who's a gal gotta blow to get a tee time around here?

The PGA and the rest of the golfing world, is filled with this type of “class”. For example, Augusta National used to have a requirement that all of its Caddies be black. Up until 1990, persons of color were not allowed to be members. And, still to this day, women continue to be excluded from membership.

You can find this type of thing just about everywhere. The story of guys like Charlie Sifford, Pete Brown, and Lee Elder are extraordinary. These are guys that played in tournaments at clubs that on a normal day wouldn’t allow them to set foot on the tee unless it was to carry someone else’s bag. Walking alongside your fellow playing competitor watching as they receive applause. Dodging the objects being thrown at you, and ignoring the jeers and spittle being hurled your way. Turning the other cheek because, after all, “it’s a gentleman’s game”. This was their reality.

Jackie Robinson had it easy

This is the sport that Tiger stepped into in 1997. A young phenom with an infectious smile. He could do things with the golf ball that we’d only dreamed of. He had a Stanford education and “didn’t sound black” (another way of saying that black folk don’t talk proper). How delightfully un-racist of them to notice his grammar.

But this was 1997. The world is different than it was when Sifford was breaking the PGA Color Barrier. Things had changed. The environment would be different for young Tiger. Gone are the days when he would have to tread the path of racism and exclusion that Elder walked. Which is what someone should have reminded Fuzzy Zoeller before he opened his mouth.

Smile if you're a Douche

But faced with all of this how did young Tiger respond? He became what we all needed him to become. He became perfect. He had to. He was an icon to an entire race. An inspiration to an entire generation. Not only was he the most popular athlete in his profession, he was the best there was. It was indisputable. No golfer from 1997 – 2007 won more tournaments than Tiger. He was so good that we started inventing rivals for him. Montgomary, Duvall, May, Garcia, Els, Goosen, Harrington, Phil. A list of names that with the exception of the last one, looks like a where’s Waldo of golf professionals.

If only my arms were longer

But this post isn’t about those guys. It’s about Tiger. And he was perfect. He was poised and polished. He didn’t just win tournaments, he won them in such a fashion that everyone else was automatically playing for second. It happened so much that we were surprised when he didn’t win. And if enough time passed without a Tiger victory we started asking if something was wrong. 14 Major Championships and 72 PGA victories later, and we’re still asking.

But why does any of this make Tiger Woods the “greatest golfer to ever play the game”?

No seriously. I kicked your ass with a broken leg

It’s simple. He’s won 14 Major Championships and 72 PGA Events, while having to be someone that we forced him to be. At no point have we ever allowed Tiger to simply be a golfer. In this most cerebral of games, thinking about “just golf” was never an option for Tiger. 14 Major Championships have not changed this. If anything the expectation has become even harsher. He was instantly saddled with being the face of golf for African Americans. Guys like Ricky Fowler, Anthony Kim, Hunter Mahan etc. were all in grade school in 1997. How many of this new generation of golfers would be playing something else, if not for Tiger?

Get a haircut and get areal job

Tiger’s 72 PGA victories put’s him third on the all-time list. But none of the two gentlemen above him had to endure what Tiger has. They were much closer to being Fuzzy Zoeller than Charlie Sifford. In a game when even the smallest amount of pressure can cause a missed putt or a poorly executed shot, it is not hyperbole to say that Tiger has played with more pressure than any golfer in history. He has carried this weight without complaint.

Lately he’s begun to crack a little under the pressure. He seems to have grown tired with playing the role that we’ve demanded of him. A role that he never really asked for. He’s frustrated and it’s starting to show. Maybe in a kicked club here or there. Maybe it shows up in the middle of what was meant to be an internal monologue. After being “Perfect” for over a decade, he suddenly seems human. Almost as if to say he doesn’t want to play by our rules anymore.

What is it with this guy and rodents?

“But Aagro”, you cry, “We don’t dislike him for his golf skills. We dislike him, because he’s not a good person. No one of any true character would cheat on Elin. It’s absolutely shameful”.

Like YOU could have said no

I feel you. He got caught with his hand in the box…errr…jar. So to speak. It was an absolute shame that this happened. Two things come to mind though. First and foremost is that it’s none of my damn business. The second thing that comes to mind is that I didn’t care when Arnie cheated on Winnie (constantly, by the way). I didn’t care when Rocco left his wife and kids for his massage therapist (hey the guy had a bad back). So why should I care that Tiger was getting a little on the side?

Better question. Why do you? He’s a golfer. And if his 14 Major Championships and 72 PGA Victories are any indication, he’s a damn good one. Some might even say he’s the greatest to ever play the game.

Back To The Future

No not that one...This One!

Goin Off the Rails

One of the interesting things about being in my early 40s is the realization that my peeps are runnin shit. There's evidence of this in Politics and clothing trends. Movies and music. For example, last week I heard they were re-making Back To the Future. This past weekend they released the trailer for e upcoming summer "blockbuster" Total Recall. Go figure.

My point is that everywhere I look, things are being influenced by us Gen Xers.

Our influence is particularly noticeable in advertising. To wit...



Could this have been brought to you by any one other than someone that graduated high school in the 80s?



What about this one.

Any Dogs In Da House?

It's no secret that Ray Lewis is currently my favorite NFL player. So what does a guy in the twilight of his professional career do during the off season? Well if you're Ray-Ray, you may find yourself being invited to speak to the Stanford Cardinal basketball team before the NIT Championship game.

Been swimming lately?

If so, and if it was in a fresh water pool, it’s possible you could have encountered the fearsome “Brain Eating Amoeba”. Oh yes they’re real. So real that 3 people died last summer from it. Also the CDC even issued a warning as recently as this past February, when the dreaded B.E.A's showed up in a nasal spray. Good times!

For you sciency types here's the scoop. It's a little long but when I read through it there's a familiar sound to it. Wrath of Khan anyone.

Amphotercin B is effective against N. fowleri in vitro, but the prognosis remains bleak for those that contract PAM, and survival remains less than 1%. On the basis of the in vitro evidence alone, the CDC currently reccomends treatment with Amphotericin B for primary amoebic meningoencephalitis, but there is no evidence that this treatment affects outcome. Treatment combining miconazole, sulfadiazine, and tetracycline has shown limited success only when administered early in the course of an infection.

While miltefosine had therapeutic effects during an in vivo study in mice, Chlorpromazine (Thorazine) showed to be the most effective substance - the autheros concluded: "Chlorpromazine had the best therapeutic activity against N. fowleri in vitro and in vivo. Therefore, it may be a more useful therapeutic agent for the treatment of PAME than amphotericin B."

Timely diagnosis remains a very significant impediment to the successful treatment of infection, as most cases have only been discovered post-mortem. Infection killed 121 people in the U.S. from 1937 through 2007, including six in 2007 (three in Florida, two in Texas, and one in Arizona). The illness killed one 2008 in California, one in 2009 in Florida, and in 2010 there were 3 reported cases; one in Arkansas, one in Minnesota, and one in Texas, with a fourth case of an unidentified amoeba in South Carolina. In 2011, there were 2 deaths in Louisiana due to the use of tap water (albeit, a rare infection medium) in a "neti pot." There were also individual deaths in 2011 in Virginia, Louisiana, Florida, and Kansas.

SYMPTOMS

Onset symptoms of infection start 1 to 14 days after exposure. The initial symptoms include, but are not limited to, changes in taste and smell, headache, fever, nausea, vomiting, and stiff neck. Secondary symptoms include confustion, hallucinations, lack of attention, ataxia, and seizures. After the start of symptoms, the disease progresses rapidly over 3 to 7 days, with death occurring from 7 to 14 days after exposure.