I've Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier

Once upon a time I posted that No One Really Cares About Africa. Today is different. Today people care because we are on the eve of the Semi-finals for The World Cup. Now for those of you that are a lot like me...meaning that you don't give a good god damn about "sucker" - err I mean soccer - the Semi-finals don't mean much to you. Futbol fans will tell you that not only are you wrong for not caring, but that you are in the minority when referring to the realm of world opinion.

And on the list of problems that I currently have with "sucker" you can add World Opinion. Ya see, while the leading story coming out of Africa this past couple of weeks might be that

1. England and the U.S.A. was knocked out in the first round of 16.
2. Ghana, the last remaining African team has been eliminated.
3. Brazil, the odds on favorite to win this years World Cup has been ousted.

So today I'm here to tell you all that No one REALLY cares about Africa.

Now I know what you're gonna say. "But Aagro, I love the World Cup! And Africa has done a great job hosting this year". To which I'll respond with 3 "Y's":

1. Yes they have
2. Yes you do
3. You're still a moron

Here's the problem I have. And I'm adult enough to realize that sucker is a casualty in my war on the Apathy For Africa. The leading story will invariably not be about one, or a dozen, of the kids that were abducted by Joseph Kony of the Lord's Resistance Army (the fear of God and the feel of the rod strikes again). Most of you don't know this name but trust me when I tell you that he's Pinochet on crack!!! The leading story will not be about the Genocide's that continue to occur in Darfur.
To be honest even though it bears a closer resemblance to pre WWII Germany, we'd be better off relating the events surrounding this years World Cup to the movie District 9 or Invictus if we wanted to draw any attention to what's really happening there.

I admit that the view is pretty good here in the cheap seats but at some point we've crossed the line from being a sports fan and being oblivious to what's going on around the event.

I could go on but it seems pointless. I'm a sports fan so I recognize how blinded we can become when a big sporting event is going on. Enjoy it!

I mean that.

When its over perhaps...just perhaps...those that were brought together by the events in South Africa will stick around long enough to declare their outrage for what's going on in the rest of the continent. And then maybe...just maybe...things will begin to change for the better.

Here's your clip of the week.

Independence Day

For those of you that frequent my rantings from someplace other than the U.S. I ask that you indulge us Yanks for today. It's July 4th, a day when we Americans mime our favorite past time of blowin shit up! We do this in celebration of an event that occurred over 200 years ago.

On July 4th 1776 a group of folks got together and decided that enough was enough. (It was the Colonial equivalent of a teenager screaming at his parents that he was moving out of the house). They wrote a letter to the King of England announcing that they and their neighbors weren't going to take it anymore! That they were willing to fight for the right to make their own decisions. They declared for themselves, and for all of us that followed, our independence. Bold!

Most Americans have never actually read the Declaration of Independence in its entirety (shame on you). That gets remedied today! Here's how the document begins (it's pretty powerful stuff) and if you'd like to read the whole thing just click here!

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security...

Gooooooaaaaaaaalllllllll

It’s World Cup time, and much like 4 years ago that means that its time for me to express my distaste for Soccer (pronounced “sucker” with a fake Europeen accent).

Here’s a real news story from earlier today, with a comedic slant that I wish I'd written, followed by a phony news clipping that applies to “Sucker”.




"These women, who have been part of a larger group, are suspected to be involved in organized acts to conduct unlawful commercial activities." So goes the Johannesburg police department's complain about the lovely Dutch soccer fans above, two of whom were actually arrested this week under the World Cup host city's "ambush marketing" law.

Really?

I mean, since when are three-dozen ladies in tight orange dresses unlawful? And since when do you get threatened with six months in prison for wearing tight orange clothing provided by a tasty brew like Bavaria? One of the worlds worst beers this is not. There are sticky marketing campaigns in Boozeland, and then there are the governing bodies of international sports. FIFA claims it's "appalled" by the women, which, frankly, is just ridiculous. There is a lot less that's appalling about these women than there is about FIFA's tie to its official beer — which I happily had three of last night, but which, for supporting your favorite international squad, has got nothing on Bavaria. So give it a rest, FIFA, or at least take out your sponsor-steroid rage on these whackjobs.

Photo Credit: Mike Egerton/AP Images

Source


Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

Galileo, Figero, Magnifico, Oh, Oh,

The Clip O' The Week comes early this time around. There's no chance of finding something funnier this week and I can't sit on this one for 3 more days.

I feel abit like Tosh.0 with this clip. The number of random comments that go through my head as I watch this (over & over & over) are too many to fathom. And the Bohemian Rhapsody in the background just puts me over the top.

So here it comes...

Bill Burr - Why Do I Do This

Funny stuff!

Always, & All Ways!

Today, June 12th, marks the day that The Admiral and I became legally a couple. That's right ladles and germs...it's our 4 year anniversary!

I love her more at this moment than I did then. I know it sounds cliche' but its true. We've been through so much together and have come out the other side even closer.

All the best parts of me are made better because of her, and all the worst never seem so bad when she's with me.

I love you darlin'!

This weeks clips are solely for your entertainment! But we'll start off with a song made famous by the incomparable Etta James.

The Quintessential Man - Movie Soundtrack Edition

It's a lazy Sunday morning. So far I've watched 2 movies. The first was 13 days, starring Kevin Costner as one of the inside men during JFK's presidency. The movie focuses on the drama that occured during the Cuban Missile Crisis. The second movie I watched this morning was Rocky IV.

I remember seeing this one in the theaters when it came out back in 1984. It's one of those movies, that for me, comes with a fond memory of a more simpler time.

And as The Admiral yelled from upstairs, "what are you watching", I also started thinking that the soundtrack to this movie is one of those must own sound tracks for a man. Which got me to thinking what other ones should The Quintessential Man own.

Here's a list of some of the ones that I believe are necessary. The list is in no particular order, and I'm sure it is incomplete. Feel free to submit your ideas to this list:

Rocky IV - Perhaps I'm dating myself a little bit with this list but I just can't imagine not having this one on here.

Heavy Metal - Was there ever a movie that was more tied in with its soundtrack?

Vision Quest - I was a wrestler in highschool and having this tape was an absolute must. The song I listened to prior to every match...Lunatic Fringe

When Harry Met Sally - We can't always be on edge. Sometimes we have to show our softer side so we can be closer to the fairer sex.

Superfly - Because we all need an excuse to get our groove on.

Singles - Remember when Grunge was still hip and fresh?

Purple Rain - Nuff Said

The Big Chill - Because sometimes we have to grow up.

A quick note on the above list. Shortly after yelling down to me, The Admiral made me promise that I would never play the Rocky IV soundtrack while we were in the car together. As if her marriage to me wasn't proof enough that her taste is questionable at best.

Here's your clip of the week.