Fantastic Fenwhick,s Flying Food Factory

Ever hear of the Glass Ceiling? Of course you have. It’s that imaginary level that minorities, particularly black folk and women, rarely are “allowed” to rise above. Some of you work at a place like this. A lot of my friends still do.

The place I used to work for was all in all a great company but we all knew that if you didn’t have a penis it was tough to be taken seriously. The place was founded by a bunch of Engineers in the 60’s and that means that there was a serious “Good Ol Boys Club” there. In the near decade I worked there you could see all of the many social business spectrums that one could imagine.

Every stereotype was there.

We had the Type A Chauvinist. You know him, he’s the guy that says really inappropriate things to women and minorities alike but no-really takes him seriously because he’s always done it and “he get’s the job done.”

We had the Sexual Predator. He’s the guy that always has a secretary that wear’s clothing that doesn’t quite fit right and there are always rumors of that girl he harassed that no long works there.

The Ball Busting Bitch was there too. Equipped with that “I could be a lesbian” haircut she’s the one that had to be as tough as guys to show she fit in. She’s usually a really nice person and is extremely capable but most won’t know it until she’s been walked on by the GOBC.

The Token. He’s the minority that believes that if he works hard enough he may one day break through the GC and retire someday on that golden parachute you hear so much about. But don't kid yourself about ever being able to get there.

There’s the Golden Child. He’s not part of the original GOBC but he’s the heir apparent. He stands as the shining example of what you could do if you just “apply” yourself and be a “team player”. You can often hear someone say, “well look at ____ he started out in receiving but now he’s managing ______.”

My personal favorite is the Head Turner. She’s qualified but also knows that no matter her qualifications there always seem to be less rungs on the ladder if she wear’s tight/revealing clothing. The women all talk about her behind her back and the men all love her. Sadly she’s forgotten all about…

The Head Assistant. Next to any member of the GOBC she’s the most important person at the company. Cross her and your career is over faster than a Backstreet Boy’s Reunion Tour (mark my words). She’s been with the GOBC from the beginning. She knows all their dirt and they trust her. She has hit the ceiling and found a way through it without actually doing anything different than her daily tasks. She most likely had a hand in picking the Golden Child.

So what if you’re not one of these folks? What if you’re just one of the mensch that grind it out each and every day? Or worse – what if you don’t have a penis?

You could be content to go about your daily tasks helping out the company when ever you could. You may even get an “atta-boy” (cause that’s not sexist at all) every once in a while. But heaven forbid you should have a brain. Or even an opinion. The sad part is that it’s not the GOBC that the female mensch have to worry about. It’s the other fem’s at the middle management level that cause them most of the grief. I like to call them the R. O. U. S.’

Most will tell you that “they don’t exist” but they are there. You find them at the head of the Accounting Department, or running Procurement. Sometimes they work in lead positions for IT. They are catty, jealous and way too nosy about what the rest of the company is doing. They are the source of most of the gossip. And the bane of their compatriots that are fighting the same battle they are. Trying to break through the GC.

If there is a positive side to the GOBC it is that they believe they have a responsibility to mentor the next generation. But not the R. O. U. S. For them it’s the idea that if they can’t make it why should you? Worse, than that they sometimes disguise their actions as an attempt to make others tougher or more seasoned.

Forget the GC and the GOBC. The real demon is the ROUS. Not because they really do exist, but because they betray the very people that helped them get where they are. It’s the same everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you work at Fantastic Fenwhicks Flying Food Factory, or an Aerospace Company, or if you’re running for President of the United States. Being a bitch doesn’t mean you’re making us stronger. It just means you’re a Bitch!