The Hubris of America

Welcome to your life, there's no turning back.

Oh how I wish someone would have mentioned this to us at some point during our adolescence.

I remember Rick Hardwood, a childhood friend of mine, uttering some very prophetic words during Jr. High. He said that life decides one day to smack you right in the face whether you're ready or not. It can happen even while we sleep.

One of the things that makes the United States both revered and reviled is the certain amount of hubris that we seem to inherit and embrace just by merely being American. We some how grow up with the general idea that we are better than the rest of the world. It's true. Ask your average Yank and they'll say what Rick said to me our Jr. year. That as Americans it is not only our right but our responsibility to spread democracy throughout the world. It's my own design, it's my own remorse.

We see this hubris in our communities, and at work, but we especially see it in our politicians. They run for the highest of offices because at some core level they believe that they above anyone else, can do a better job than the rest of us. Help me make the most of freedom.

But if you pay attention to the science fiction writers there will eventually come a time when we as a world community will need to come together to save ourselves. It could be against an outside tragedy. Alien invasions are a very popular subject. Most likely we will be called to save ourselves from ourselves. If history is any teacher, the age old conflict of Man vs. Man will be our undoing. I often wonder if we will be good enough to answer the bell when our time comes. Will we even notice? And if we do will we just sit around singing Kum Ba Yah hoping that everything will work out just fine. Holding hands while the walls come crumbling down.

The hubris of America is that when that time comes we will be the nation to lead the world in its plight against calamity. Look around you. It's a theme that is captured in our books and movies. You can find it in our political speeches. It's obvious in our news articles. One headline why believe it. And it is ever present in the way we carry ourselves when travelling abroad. Hell, it's even an undercurrent in the everyday blog post.

So what's the point you ask? The point is this.

Today is February 29th. This is a day that literally only happens once in a while. And while it may be too late in the day to make a social statement that truly matters. On this particular day, I'd like to offer one thing. What if we took a week? Just 7 days to be better.

Not "better" in the traditional USA versus the world sort of way. I mean better Human Beings! All for freedom and for pleasure. Smile a little wider. Laugh a little louder. Hug someone and tell them you love and appreciate them. Open the door for a stranger. Let someone merge instead of cutting someone off in traffic. Answer the phone with a smile in your voice. Vote. Carpool. If nothing else just pretend that maybe this little ball of water, earth and gas that we call home is starting to get a little crowded and we may have to find a way to co-exist.

On day eight we can all go back to hating each other and thinking poorly of our fellow man. Or like me you can berate them for being who they are. After all nothing ever lasts forever.

Kimmel Strikes Back

A couple weeks ago I posted one of the funniest vids I'd seen a quite a while. It starred Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon and it served as a bit of a Dear John letter to Jimmy Kimmel.

Well not only did Jimmy take it well but he seems to have found a new love. No your eyes aren't deceiving you, that is Brad Pitt as the Fed Ex delivery man.

Pedophilia Loses Yet Another Safe Haven

Yesterday I was outraged enough to post about a company that preys on folks that are down on their luck enough to consider forclosure. Today I believe I may have been a bit hasty in my criticism.

The reason behind this shift in opinion is that earlier today I stumbled across a headline that instantly made me grin. The King Of Pop may lose Neverland. He has until March 19th to pay close to $25 million or the ranch will be put up for auction.

Ah Justice. You are as beautiful as ever. To read more on the plight of the Smooth Criminal (I know the jokes just never end) click here.

To relive the glory days of Little Mikey -- Seriously m'man was turning music video's into short films before Spike Lee graduated from high school. And what's with all the orgasmic moaning? -- watch the below vid.

What is a rebuttal anyway?

A rebuttal is defined as "the speech act of refuting by offering a contrary contention or argument".

Here now are two separate speaches on one very particular subject. Before you watch them remember this. It's super cool that they both want everyone to be able to afford health care. The truth is that they are both in their own way right.

Hillary:


I'm very pleased to see her talking about something (Health Care) she obviously feels so passionate about. I think her campaign would have done a lot better if she had spoken with this type of passion throughout the last year. It makes her more believable and really gives her a chance to connect with folks.

Barack:


It's almost like he wanted to say that he was really sick of them trying to get in his grill. He's done things throughout the year that I consider small warning shots to his opponents to stop with the cheap shots. For the most part he's tried to avoid taking them himself but every once in a while he stoops. Let's hope it's not the beginning a horde of them.

The Money Pit

Congratulations on your new home. It's the American dream and we want to welcome you to the poor and overly stressed. Don't worry about how you're going to pay for the loan. *Sigh

I don't know where to begin on this one. I wanted to talk about how banks, for the most part, are not interested in owning your home. For the most part they'll work with a customer to lower their rates to a reasonable number that they can afford because it's a real pain in the ass for them to take your home.

Couple that with the recent not so subtle hint from Uncle Sam that the Gov't will be taking a good hard look at lenders that have an excessive amount of foreclosures and things like this just make me scratch my head in outrage.

What the hell am I going on about you wonder?

The company is called You Walk Away. And what they want to help you with foreclosure. More than help you with it they want you to think that not only is it an ok option but that it makes sense for you.

If you qualify for their plan:

• Your lender WILL NOT be able to call you in attempt to collect!
• Your lender WILL NOT be able to collect any deficiency or loss they may receive by you walking away!
• You WILL be able to stay in your home for up to 8 months or more without having to pay anything to your lender!
• You CAN have the foreclosure REMOVED from your credit!

And they'll do all of this for you for a mere $995.00

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Common sense has clearly gone on a sebatical. You can read more about this horror by clicking here

If you want to know more about the these financial succubi you'll have to look them up yourself because I refuse to include the link.

I Am Too Funny!!!

Brace yourselves folks because I have a shock for you. I have finally managed to offend someone. Or at the very least I've written something that has inspired one of you to reprimand me for my loathsome behavior. Well I am exaggerating a tad but I've certainly managed to ruffle a few feathers.

FINALLY!!!

After over 150 posts...some serious chauvinism...equally as much feminism...a lot of Left Wing Political drivel...and promises of more to come...I have arrived.

Now that I'm here I'd like to thank the good folks in Texas for tuning in. I'm extremely proud to have you on board and I hope you'll stick around. And so as not to make any of you other folks feel neglected I wanna say thanks to the locals here in Washington, the folks that are hanging out in Manch-ville, and all my friends in Minnesota.

Those of you outside the U. S. get a special double fist pump against my chest for just stopping by occasionally. I love you guys!!

Where was I?

Oh right. I was apologizing.

It has been suggested that I am both not funny (oh the humanity) and that I should get my facts straight about who dumped who in the whole Sheryl Crow Lance Armstrong split up deal (sorry but as a very famous Texan has taught us over the last 7 years facts can fuck up a good story faster than anything else).

Still I don't want to be too callous so allow me to take this moment to apologize to any of you that happen to be related to Sheryl or Lance. That is please allow me to apologize to any of you that are related to Sheryl or Lance and read my post. Wait that's not right either. Please allow me to apologize to any of you that are related to Sheryl or Lance, read my post, and found it offensive.

There much better. Do you think this post will make TMZ? That'd be sooooo fuckin bitchin? Maybe I could get my own paparazzi.

To the rest of you that may have found something of offense in my comments you should be clear about one very crucial fact. At the best of times I am a Jackass that could care less what you think about my sense of humor. It's mine and not yours. I tell jokes because I think they're funny. They're for me. I take some pride during the small occasions when someone else laughs but mostly I don't give a shit.

To one particular Texan I offer this. Please accept my rants as nothing more than they are. Which is to say that it gives me an opportunity to express and vent about things that interest ME.

Just Between Us Friends

A particular guilty pleasure of mine is my not so hidden adoration for Sheryl Crow. I like her music. What I like most is the feeling that I get when listening to her that she could be a friend of yours that always had a guitar in the car. And whenever they came over to hang out you knew that eventually they'd be strumming along and you'd all be singing and having a grande ol' time. There's a certain familiar feel to her style.

Hell, I've even forgiven her for the meaningless years she spent with Bobby Richie and for breaking up with Armstrong. As far as I'm concerned when she broke up with Armstrong she got all the bad karma she had coming to her by being diagnosed with cancer. Some things just work out that way. But I digress.

As I was saying I like her. I love Tuesday Night Music Club. I thought the self titled album was a nice break from the "folksy" style she was becoming known for but that where necessary she still honored it. Even Globe Sessions still seemed like it fit in the journey she was taking. Obviously Kidd Rock sapped away some of her creativity and it took a few years for her to come back to her senses but that time seems to have come.

Her latest release, Detours, is a nice trip down memory lane of the reasons we fell in love with her to begin with. It has the feel of an album she's done for herself. Not one that was written to be overly marketable (see her 2005 release of Wildflower). This time she's gotten back to that folksy jam session feel. As an example here's the opening track of the latest album. The song..."God Bless This Mess"




Not that all of her troubled years were bad. She did take time out to do a couple of duets with some real serious talent to include a cameo at a Clapton concert where she came on stage to perform "Favorite Mistake". Outside of the duet with Kidd Rock (a horrible song) she actually managed to sing a lovely duet with Sting.

A duet with Sting



But her best song might just be a catchy little tune that touched a lot of us at one point regardless of what we were going through at the time. This particular version has her sharing stage time with The Dixie Chicks.




So welcome back Sheryl. If you've ever been a fan her latest installment is worth checking out.

Not to mention eating cereal with them is a real bitch!

The folks at Greenpeace are seemingly everywhere these days. And quite frankly they need to be stopped. His name is Wang Xiaojun, and he is China's Greenpeace Spokesman. His message, if you're coming to the Beijing Olympics bring your own chopsticks.

Seriously!?!?!

No Joke.

The concern is that the disposable chopsticks being used in your everyday chinese food restaurant (of which aparrently China has a shitload of) contribute to deforestation.

Well huh!?!?

The worst part is that the Chinese government is listening. China's government has placed a tax on disposable chopsticks and they're "encouraging" restaurants not to use them. Look I'm one of those that believes that we need to do more about this Global Warming problem but seriously...CHOPSTICKS!!!!

Oil just hit $100 a barrel and Wang is worried about chopsticks.

*Sigh...to read more on the battle against enlarged toothpicks masquerading as eating utensils click
here

And for more on the lead in picture watch this clip and relive the memories with me. God I'm getting old.

Picture Pages - Picture Pages - Lots Of Fun With Picture Pages

I thought I'd share a little art work from a guy I dig. His name is Michael Whelan and if you're the sort of person that frequents book stores you've seen his work. He does a lot of cover art for Sci-Fi and Fantasy novels to include the Stephen King Dark Tower series. Enjoy!

America's Past Time

Tomorrow on February 14th a very American thing will occur. Pitchers and Catchers will report to Spring Training. Earlier today Roger Clemens did another very American thing. He faced his accuser(s). Many of us have been waiting for this moment. The men and women on the hill - no not the one on the baseball diamond I'm referring to Capitol Hill - do not appreciate being lied to. So I have been waiting to see what The Rocket would say under oath. Say whatever you want to the media and your fans but when you get in front of Congress you'd better tell the truth or you may find yourself behind bars.

So today Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee went to the hill together. McNamee's claims have already been supported by the testimony of two others. Both Andy Pettite and Chuck Knoblaugh (also former teammates with Roger) have verified through their own experiences that McNamee has been telling the truth. Pettite has even corroborated McNamee's claim that Clemens used Human Growth Hormone during his playing years.

Not surprisingly Roger denies it. He says the injections he took were for B-12. With two completely conflicting testimonies what ever would Congress do? One of them actually said "One of you is lying".

Thanks Timmy!!

Congressman please allow me to say what you should have said.

"Mr. Clemens do you think we're stupid?"
"Do you expect us to believe that your personal trainer and two of your former teamates are all lying under oath?"
"That you are the one shining star in the constellation of morality?"
"Let me assure you sir that one of us is not very smart"
"But considering the fact that you're the one being questioned I'm pretty sure it's not me".

While I'm on the subject of stupid baseball players that lie to Congress when the fuck does Palmeiro find his ass in jail. I can still see him waving his self riteous finger at the Congressional panel swearing on his dead grandma like Johnny Fairplay from Survivor that he didn't use steroids. Bring his punk ass back and ask him again. If he changes his story give him a reduced sentence.

And if you're wondering about Barry - just remember he already testified - we just don't know what he said. My guess is he dropped some names for some sort of a plea bargain. Fucking Timmy!

Man Of Steel

Last week it was Super Tuesday.
Yesterday it was Washington, Nebraska, Louisiana & The Virgin Islands.
Today he's won Maine and lept the tall building that is Hillary's ego.
Tuesday the Chesapeake area will chant with the rest of the country that now infamous cry of Yes We Can.
He's even managed to beat out Bill Clinton for a Grammy.
How's that Pledged Delegate count looking now bitches?

Ann Coulter Is A Transgendered Nazi

Now some of you may not have a clue who Ann Coulter is. She is the Republicans female version of Rush Limbaugh. The term "shock jock" comes to mind because she will say and do just about anything for ratings. Before you watch the below vid, and in the interest of fairness, I'd like to offer the disclaimer of "all quotes should be researched for context". With that said this is one scary bitch.

Your Clip Of The Week!!!

My friends today is a GUH-LOR-EEE-US day! For three days we lost the ability to get online for absolutely no reason. But this morning the connection was back. YIPEEE!!! It also appears as if the writers strike is coming to a close. SUHWEEET!!! But most importantly we here in Washington spoke out yesterday for change and for hope and for our future. REPRESENT!!!!

I was among the throngs of people that participated in yesterdays caucus. The turnout was enourmous. It's really good to see so many people taking part in our political process. Eight years of outrage has its benifits I suppose. The downside to such a huge turnout is that it turns these things into a bit of a clusterfuck. My precinct alone attempted to fit 42 people around a table that could only hold 10 or so. The other downside to the whole deal was that everyone had something to say. As Al Pacino has been known to say "we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore".

As most of you already know Mr. Barack Obama claimed a decisive victory here in Washington state. It has become obvious to me that this country believes that at this moment in our history we as citizens have an oportunity to affect real change. Yes We Can! Yes We Can! Yes We Can...

And now here it is YOUR CLIP OF THE YEAR. And yes that is the hotness that is Scarlett Johansson singing along in the background



The lyrics are a little tough to understand in spots so...

Yes We Can lyrics
It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality.

Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can repair this world.

Yes we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant ........... We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --
Yes. We. Can.

Rugged Smartass With a Whip?!?!?!?

I can't believe it. But the man formally known as Van Wilder is the Reader's pick for the next Indiana Jones. To that end I post to pics of Mr. Reynolds. One for us guys (above) and one for you ladies. For the record the vote ended up as a tie with Will Smith but let's face it he's not scrapin by for work. Plus he's already been Jim West. Ugh...I can't believe this was your choice.

Jason Bourne Gets Screwed Again {NSFW}

This has been making the rounds the last couple of days but it still makes me laugh. Considering the Admiral's general dislike for the (sexy) Sarah Silverman it made for a nice surprise to see that she had been watching it already.