The United States of Aagro

Yesterday during what has now been officially dubbed a “Tea Bagging” ceremony Governor Rick Perry suggested that the state of Texas should consider seceding from the union.

What he actually said was, “Texas is a unique place. Uhm, when we came into the union in 1845 uh one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that…my hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We’ve got a great union and there’s no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their noses at the American people who knows what may come out of that."

Loosely translated he is suggesting that they no longer be part of the United States of America because he doesn’t care for the government telling them what to do. Folks, listening to the Governor of Texas complain about the government is the political equivalent of hearing George Costanza bitch about bald people. YOU ARE THE GOVERNMENT ASSHOLE!!!

Still this is not the first time that the word secession has been bandied around. There is a proposal out there called the H.CR.50 that several states have looked seriously at. When I lived in Alaska it was a given that the each time the local state ballot came around there would be some legislation suggesting that Alaska no longer be part of the rest of the country.

So Texas and Alaska don’t want to be part of this great nation anymore. Fine with me! Get the fuck out. In fact, a few months ago, while having dinner with friends we discussed how it might be time to trim some of the proverbial fat.

So here’s a list of the top 5 states and or regions that I firmly believe we could do without.

1. Oklahoma & Texas - Now that Dubya is back in Midland let’s just do away with the whole damn area. Didn’t we lose the Alamo? You fuckers want to be your own country so bad then I say so be it. And take Oklahoma with you. In fact let me put it into words that you’ll understand. “Go on an git, ya sumbitches”.

2. Alaska - Have I thanked you yet for Governor Palin? I wonder why that is? The fact of the matter is that other than oil Alaska isn’t really giving us much of anything. And last I checked we were trying to become less dependant on oil. Well let’s get started then.

3. Kentucky & Ohio - You dumb asses are fighting over a rock. Nuff said.

4. New Mexico - An entire state of nothing. It just sits there. It’s an absolute wasteland. Have you ever met anyone that was proud to say they were from New Mexico? Ever wonder why?

5. Louisiana - It’s bad enough that you live in hurricane country but you keep rebuilding a city below sea level. How stupid are you? Maybe the next time it gets flooded over you could possibly elevate it a little bit. Just a thought.

If your state didn’t make the list don’t worry. There’s a few of you that are headed straight for probation. Time to shape up Montana, Alabama and a few of you others.