The Year In Review

Holy Crap! What a year. It seems like just yesterday we were toasting to the opening of 2008 and now its over. A lot has happened this year. Some of it good. Some of it bad. Some of it weird. And other parts were just damn funny. Here are some of the things that I remember about '08.


January -

• Barrack Obama wins the Iowa caucus.


• Brett Favre eliminates the Seattle Seahawks from the NFL Playoffs.


• Journey Man finds itself on the cancellation list because God hates me.


• Carolyn Kennedy endorses now President Elect Obama.


• Amy Winehouse goes to rehab. God may hate me but his brother is clearly looking out for my best interests.


• Also Barack gives an infamous speech after losing the New Hampshire primary. A legend is born.

February -

• Sarah Silverman announces that she's fucking Matt Damon (and yes that shit is still funny as hell).


• Will I. Am helps create the song of the year.


• Roger Clemens gets busted for 'roids.


• I get heckled for liking Sheryl Crow by a Sheryl Crow fan. February was a good month indeed.


• Obama wins more states during Super Tuesday than the (at that time) front runner. He gives a stirring speech in which he declares to us malcontents that "we are the ones that we have been waiting for"


• Hillary Clinton fans and cougar moms everywhere start to get pissed.

March -

• A pregnant man in Oregon surfaces in the news (BTW he's pregnant again after giving birth earlier this year).


• The now infamous (outside of Chicago) Jeremiah Wright opens his mouth and shows that stupidity comes in all colors.


• Obama gives a speech on race relations in our country further proving that he really could be the right man at the right time.

April -

• The home computer goes on the fritz sending the Admiral and I into a panic.


• The filming of a Porno movie in the middle of a McDonald's restaurant goes dreadfully wrong. Because sometimes these things just happen.

May -

• Keith Olbermann tells Mr. Bush to shut the hell up. When the man is right, he's right.


• Iron Man hits theaters.
  
• The California Supreme Court issues its ruling re Marriage Cases and finds that any law that excludes same sex couples from marrying is unconstitutional. Progress takes a huge step forward.


• Hillary Clinton is mathematically eliminated from the presidential race.


• Hillary subsequently continued to campaign.

June -

• It snows in Pullman, Washington.


• After being advised by doctors to shut down his season, Tiger Woods wins the U. S. Open on one leg, literally. He had knee surgery days later.


• Senator Obama becomes the presumptive nominee for the Democratic party.


• Hillary continues to campaign.

July -

• The Dark Night hits theaters.


• I and others are forced to stop giving out free hugs.


• Barack gives the world a hug (by way of a stirring speech) while in Berlin.

August -

• Senator Obama is officially nominated to represent the Democratic party as a candidate for President.


• He accepts the nomination while visiting the Pantheon.


• Granpa Johnny gives the nation the gift of Sarah Pailin. Would be comedians everywhere rejoice. In an unrelated story, porn sales increase drastically.

September -

• The 2008 NFL season kicks off and Fantasy Football begins. I begin to slip into a pigskin induced coma.


• Sarah begins doing interviews. Oh for the love of Mary and Joseph.


• Thanks to Sarah and Granpa, SNL get's a huge ratings boost. Steve Forbes rushes out to trademark the word "Maverick".


• The Admiral and I get hooked on Californication.


• The United States ends a 9 year Ryder Cup drought with a victory over Europe 16 1/2 to 11 1/2.


• Wall Street crashes like a Zepplin attempting to dock in Manchester, New Jersey.
  Granpa stands up Letterman to suspend his campaign and go fix the economy. He does an interview with Couric instead and the economy remains broken.


• But most importantly during the month of September, the planet Earth survived the immanent destruction that was to be caused by the Hadron Collider.

October -

• Orb proposes. This is how stalagmites are formed.


• The Admiral and I celebrate getting a year older.


• Sarah does another interview, because somewhere a deity really loves me.


• America is introduced to Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher a.k.a Joe the Plumber. We are then subjected to too many references of "_____ (first name) the _____ (profession)". Thanks Granpa.
  

November -

• On November 4th at 8 pm here in Seattle the polls closed in California, Oregon, Hawaii and my home state of Washington.


• At 8:01 every major news organization in the country declared that the next President of the United States of America would be Barrack Obama.


• Black man wins worst job in America (this was one of the headlines from The Onion).
  
• Proposition 8 passes in California and immediately begins to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman and eliminated the right of same sex copules to marry. Strom Thurmond smiles from beyond the grave.


• My football coma gets worse.


• A man in Oregon announces on Barbara Walters' show that he is pregnant, again!
  

December -

• The city of Seattle shuts down for a week due to global warming. In an effort to not make things worse the municipality refuses to salt the roads. My brain, and others', begins to explode.


• The Seattle Seahawks eliminate Brett Favre from playoff contention. Karma's a bitch.


• The 2008 fantasy football season comes to a glorious end.


• Sarah Pailin becomes a Granma (again). I'm tellin you that Corky kid is her daughter's.


• Another year passes us by.

Thanks for sharing '08 with me. I hope you'll all still be around this time next year. As a parting shot for 2008 I'll leave you with the best cover I heard all year.

A Perfect Circle -- Imagine