Dear Abby - Addendum

Often times in my zeal to berate and belittle others I close myself off to the bigger picture. I was so insensed at the advice columnist the other day that I went straight into what was wrong with what she suggested and didn't give nearly enough thought to what should have been said.

My answer (and by connection my "advice") was at best incomplete. Fortunately, I am surrounded by folks that are willing to share their perspectives and point out where I've gone astray.

Here now (in its entirety) for everyone is what someone that gave this some real thought has to say to our poor lost soul.

Dear Jennifer,

My own husband would say, have a great time it’s just sex! I don’t agree. It’s not just sex if you are having sex with another person outside your marriage without telling your husband, it’s cheating. Unfortunately talking to your husband about your wild attraction to another man may not be an option.

“My husband is an absolutely wonderful man and father. He is supportive, funny, successful and loving.” What I really hear you saying here is, he’s great but does nothing for me anymore. I want to get some on the side and need some excitement, but don’t want there to be any consequences.Unless both you AND your husband know about the affair and can both be objective about the situation, then there is a good possibility it will ruin your relationship – silently. You will probably start acting differently towards your husband, at some point you might think you’re in love with the other man, you will most likely feel guilty … there are a myriad of possibilities.

There are a small percentage of people that can live within an open relationship, successfully. However, keep in mind even an open relationship has it’s boundaries that you will need to determine for yourselves. If the doctor is something you really want and need to experience AND you want to keep your husband, then I suggest broaching the subject of bringing other people into your lives sexually. If your husband is ok with the idea, then move slowly. Maybe you’ll find he’s ok with you being with the doctor, AS LONG AS YOU TELL HIM.

Maybe you feel threatened by your husband being with another woman alone, but in certain situations its ok if you’re there too. Find out.My own husband would say being the doctor could also give you a greater appreciation for the people you already share your life with. I say - not if you’re hiding it from the people that you love.

~ THE ADMIRAL

Yes folks not only is she hot but she's smarter than I am too!