New recipe: 2 quarts of sports, a teaspoon of politics, a couple table spoons of entertainment news, a few pints of beer...Stir gently before drinking.
All comments (even the ones I poke fun at) are welcome!
As symbols go we ‘mericans are fond of things that are solid and reliable. And while a statement like that could bring into question a lot of the decisions that are made in the American Auto Industry there’s no denying our love of rocks. Insurance companies recommend that we get a piece of it, the Bible tells us the glories of some place called Gibraltar, and the damn Pilgrims allegedly landed on one of the fucking things. Hell, even the entertaining brilliance of Jerry Bruckheimer has cashed in on the idea.
So is it any wonder that two states here in this great(?) land are now fighting over one?
It’s called Indian Head Rock and it’s about the size of a VW Bug. It has little carvings of faces and letters in it that make it look more like Graffiti Head Rock if you ask me. So what’s all the hub bub, bub?
Well his name is Steve Shaffer and he is an upholsterer by trade. When he was a kid he listened to stories about IHR (back then it was called Portsmouth Indian Head Rock) and how back in the 1800’s it was quite the attraction. The IHR was first written about in an archeological publication 1847. People would come from miles around to see the graffiti (my word, not his).
But back in the 1920’s the rock was submerged as a result of navigational dams raising the river. It would never be seen again. That is, until Shaffer got the itch to see the embodiment of childhood legends (it’s a fucking rock people). He and his buddies spent 3 years swimming the river looking for the IHR all to no avail. Then one day he got lucky and found it. He saw the face first. Then the initials and other letter carvings. The dream had been realized.
So what now you ask? Dig that bitch up of course. (Seriously?!?!?!? You’ve gotta be kidding me!!)
Nope. Steve and crew did just that. They dug the icon up and donated it to Portsmouth.
Now here’s where things get interesting. The Rock was found in the Ohio River which is of course in Kentucky. Shaffer of course using the thing we like to call logic donated what was originally called the Portsmouth Indian Head Rock to Portsmouth. Which as you’ve probably guessed by now is in Ohio. No big deal right, because it’s just a fucking rock?
Wrong!
The mayor of Portsmouth, recognizing that the Ohio River is in Kentucky, offered the IHR to the town of South Shore, KY. Why there you ask? Well it’s right across the river so it seemed to make the most sense at the time.
The officials of South Shore said “no thanks” (apparently they don’t have a rock shortage in South Shore) and instantly became my heroes in this debacle.
So having got the “you guys go ahead and keep your rock” answer from their neighbors, the good people of Portsmouth made plans to put the IHR on display. End of story right, because it’s just a fucking rock? Right?
Wrong! Enter Jack Conway, the Kentucky Attorney General. He heard about all of the goings on with the IHR and wrote a letter demanding the return of the IHR to it’s proper owners. (Seriously!?!?!?) In the letter Conway stated that the IHR is a “registered antiquity in Kentucky…”
Now I’m a big fan of elipses but sometimes there’s a feeling that the omission could have changed the context of the actual quote. Here’s the full quote for you. “This was a registered antiquity in Kentucky and it was taken, and that’s theft of an antiquity under the statute.” See how much nicer my version was? At least mine didn’t make Conway seem like such a dick. He’s getting legal over a fucking rock!
Jumping on the Moron Movement is Kentucky State Rep. Reginald Meeks. He’s pissed about the whole thing. “First of all, I couldn’t believe that individuals from one state could brazenly come across the border and basically invade another sovereign state,” he said. Then, as politicians are known to do, Meeks wrote a resolution that passed unanimously. Unanimously!?!?!? You’re telling me there wasn’t one person in the room that stood up and said, “point of order please but this is a FUCKING ROCK we’re talking about”. Of course now that Kentucky has lawyered up so to speak Ohio has to do the same. The folks in Ohio are now contending that the IHR was abandoned and that if they knew where it was they should have gone and gotten it themselves.
As for Shaffer, who just couldn’t leave well enough alone, he is facing potential jail time on felony theft charges.
Lastly there is the IHR. What is it doing during all of this? It is sitting in a Portsmouth garage awaiting disposition.
As my friend Cyemm would say, common sense has taken another shot to the head here.
As I type these words we are a little over 1 hour and 30 minutes away from the swearing in of our nations 44th President. This particular inauguration seems to be getting a lot of attention. There are quite a few things about this that bother me. I could do without seeing/listening to reporters stop and ask every dark skinned person there “why they came”. It is historic not just because of skin color but because of the state of our union and that of the world.
For me, this moment is an emotional one for more reasons than I can express. To suggest that there might be tears would be an understatement.
I know I owe you folks a “Top 5” for Science Fiction but the recent conversation of the top 5 most quotable movies has taken on a life of its own. Quite frankly if I don’t post about this today the entire thing may get out of hand and chaos could ensue. Either that or I’ll just get bored of the conversation altogether. Yep…definitely one of those.
The biggest problem seems to be in limiting this to just 5 movies. Sometimes it just can’t be done. But since I’m not one to shy away from a challenge (and as you all know I love me a good loophole) here’s the list of the number one most quotable movies in the more easily definable 5 movie categories (doin work son, doin work):
Guy Movie -
This was a tough one for me because the easy answer was going to be Die Hard. You know all the big lines, “Come out the coast, we’ll get together have a few laughs.” “Yippee kai yay mutha fucka” . “I was in Jr. High dickhead”. “Fists with your toes. Son of a bitch”.
But as quotable as this one was there’s another that just stood out above the rest of them. Top Gun was cheesy. If you’ve watched it lately you will be forced to admit that it is a horrible movie. But in its wake every guy I know had seen it. Most of them were trying to find a leather bomber jacket. And more than just a few were trading in their Bon Jovi locks for a Slider buzz cut. We all felt the need, the need for speed. We went this way and he went the other before we “asked Hollywood where’d he go?” Only to have someone reply, “where’d who go…” And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to say to one of my friends (or had it said to me) as I was getting in trouble with one of our significant others “Goose I can’t reach the ejection handle, you’re gonna have to punch us out.” and how many times have you been asked a question only to respond back “negative ghost rider, the pattern is full.
The most quotable guy movie is Top Gun. Honorable mention goes to Die Hard.
Horror/Action -
These movies make their mark on the one liner. It’s typically given when the hero (or heroine) slays the “monster”. But it’s not limited to that. Arnold Schwarzenegger is famous for these types of things. “If it bleeds, we can kill it”. “I’ll be back”. “Stick around.” “Come with me if you want to live”. You get the idea. But I couldn’t just narrow this one down to an Arnie movie that has nothing but solid quotes in it.
With all that said there is a movie that stands above the rest. Aliens! “Sigourney Weaver, Bill Paxton, Paul Reiser, Michael Bein. You know the list and you know the movie. And yeah, you know the quotes as good as, if not better than I do. “Short controlled bursts”. “I gotta question Sarge. How do we get outtta this chicken shit outfit?” “Every paycheck a fortune, every meal is a banquet, every formation a parade, I love The Corp”. “We’re gonna take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” “Game over man, game over!” I could do this all day folks but I think you get the idea.
The answer to the most quotable Horror/Action movie is easily Aliens. Honorable mention goes to Predator.
Chick Flick -
There is a certain formula to an entertaining Chick Flick. But I have an unspoken formula that some of you may not have considered. It’s simple. Take one part Rob Reiner, and add a dash of Billy Crystal and you can expect a winner. Take Sleepless in Seattle. A good enough movie in its own right but Tom Hanks is no Billy Crystal when it comes to comedic timing. And as much as YOU might like Tom Hanks you know I’m right. Take a look at When Harry Met Sally. “Vaiter, dere is too much pepper in my popricash. But I would be proud to partake of your peacan pie”. Or, “I took her to an Etheopian restaurant and I said to her this will be fast we’ll order two empty plates and then pay the bill.“ And of course the all famous momma Reiner’s “I’ll have what she’s having”. No matter where you look in this movie each scene is filled with great quotes. In fact it’s almost as if that’s the way it was edited.
But as good and as quotable as that movie is I’ve got to give the nod to The Princess Bride. This movie was never a big box office draw but I don’t know anyone that hasn’t seen it. And the quotes are easy. “As you wish”. “Marriage” said with a really bad lisp. “I am The Dread Pirate Roberts”. “Wesley, what about the R.O.U.S’? You mean Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t believe they exist.” “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die”. And my personal favorite comes from none other than Billy Crystal. “Have fun stormin’ the castle…”
There are plenty of other classics in this gem of a movie but all of them support my stance of The Princess Bride being the most quotable chick flick there is. Honorable mention goes to When Harry Met Sally.
Sports Movie -
A good sports comedy is filled with solid quotes. Field of Dreams, “If you build it they will come”. Happy Gilmore, “Uh oh Happy learned how to putt”. Caddy Shack “50 bucks says the Snails kid picks his nose”. Pick any sports comedy and you will find a plethora of solid gold movie quotes. Hell, even James Vanderbeek adds value with more than just a few solid quotes from Varsity Blues. “Playing football at West Cayman High might be the opportunity of your lifetime but I don’t want your life”. If you ever get the chance to play a bit part in a sports movie take it. You will be forever immortalized. Enter Susan Surandon, Kevin Costner, in Bull Durham. There are so many good quotes in this movie that it’s not even fair. Take this rant for example. When asked what he believes in Krash Davis responds, “I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy. The small of a woman’s back. High fiber. Good scotch. Soft core pornography. I believe that the novels of Susan Sontag are self indulgent overrated crap. I believe that there outta be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe Lee Harvey acted alone. I believe in opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. And I believe in long slow soft wet kisses that last for three days. Good night.”
When asked about my every year Sunday ritual I quote Bull Durham. “If you think you’re winning because you’re wearing woman’s underwear you are.” But, and this was tough for me to admit, as much as I personally love Bull Durham and it’s quote ability I am compelled to give the nod to Major League. Whether it’s Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes or Charlie Sheen as Wild Thing Vaughn. “The press seems to think that we’d be doing everyone a favor if we just give up and shoot ourselves. But I’ve got a better idea. I think we should stick around long enough to give them all a great big shit burger to heat. “Where you goin Meat?” The answer, “about 90 feet” Major League is not as quotable by me as Bull Durham is but I recognize that it is more quotable by the rest of the masses.
So with that said the most quotable sports movie is….Bull Durham. Get your own Blog, this one’s mine. Honorable mention goes to Major League.
Cult Classic - Last on the list is the cult classic. Now by some stretches of the definition It’s A Wonderful Life could be fall into this category. You can all relax. I’m not going to make a case for that here. For me a cult classic is one of those movies that get’s shown at your local theater at midnight on a Thursday. Tank Girl had a shot at this list but there’s just not enough there to cut the proverbial mustard. Lil’ Shop of Horrors…mmmm…good stuff but not quite. But there are a couple that stand out. Anything from the Evil Dead series is a classic. Can you ever really go wrong with Bruce Campbell? “My hand!!” “This is my boom stick…” “The only thing you’re running is Jack and shit and Jack just left town”. However the big fat hairy but in the room belongs to Franky of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. The entire movie is one long cult classic quote. So much so that it made its fame by having its audience recite the lines and know them as well as the actors did so that they could adlib as necessary. Can there be any doubt here? “It’s just a jump to the left” “What’s for dinner?” Meatloaf. “What’s for dessert?” Janet! “I’m dirty, bless my soul, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”
The truth is that short of reciting every line and every song I couldn't do this justice so I'll let the following clip do my dirty work for me. Honorable mention goes to all things Bruce Cambpell.
A couple of nights ago I went and saw Lenka with The Admiral and another close friend of ours. As we'd hoped it was a pretty good show. I can officially confirm that she is just as cute in person as she seems to be from afar.
Opening for Lenka was a guy named Gabe Dixon. He was fairly good. Decent voice - not a bad piano player. Sort of a poor mans John Mayer. Most of the songs he performed were rather pedestrian but he did do a cover of Outcast's "Hey Ya" that turned out to be pretty entertaining. I think what impressed me the most at the time was how different he made the song sound without really changing anything other than how it was being sung. The tempo of the song was still basically the same.
Sadly, I was unable to find a clip of him doing this song so I can't share it with you. I have put a clip of Gabe performing on the Craig Ferguson Show last year. The good news is that this sort of thing has been done by a few people already and they all sound pretty damn good.
In the classic story “Fiddler on the Roof” a man makes an arrangement for his young daughter to be betrothed to a young man that has taken interest in her. The father is poor and jumps at the idea at finally being able to afford to buy some much wanted and needed shit around the house. They negotiate the price and a deal is struck. Dad sings and dances and rushes off to tell his brat of a daughter.
She isn’t as overjoyed with the prospect because she’s in love with someone already and wants to marry him instead. The father, through visits from his dead wife while dreaming, finally allows his daughter to marry the man she wants instead of the one that would have helped the family remain financially solvent. I know what you’re thinking…what a selfish bitch.
But this is an old time story that takes place about a hundred or so years ago in a small run down European hovel of a country. It could never happen now, and certainly couldn’t happen in this country. Right?
Riiiiiigggggghhhhhhhttttttt….
GREENFIELD, Calif. - A father is accused of trying to sell his 14-year-old daughter for marriage
in hopes of getting money and 150 cases of beer in return, Greenfield police said.
Macelinode Jesus Martinez, 36, was arrested Monday on suspicion of trying to arrange to have his daughter marry Margarito de Jesus Galindo, 18, for $16,000, 100 cases of Corona, 50 cases of Modelo beer, several cases of meat, two cases of wine, 50 cases of Gatorade and 50 cases of soft drinks, authorities said.
The girl moved in with Galindo and when payments were not received, her father called police to get his daughter back.
Greenfield Police Chief Joe Grebmeier told KSBW Action News 8 that both Martinez and Galindo, who are immigrants from Mexico, face the possibility of being deported as illegal immigrants.
Grebmeier also said that both men didn’t fully understand that what they were doing was wrong.
Also, the girl told police that she willingly moved in with Galindo.
Arranged marriages are common in the section of Mexico where both Galindo and Martinez are from.
But California law prohibits arranged marriage where one or both of the parties have been coerced.
Galindo was arrested and booked into the Monterey County Jail on suspicion of statutory rape, and Martinez was arrested and booked on suspicion of receiving money for causing a person to cohabitate.
Grebmeier said that there have been rumors of arranged marriages taking place in the Greenfield area before, but that this was the first arrest concerning the act of human trafficking in the city that he knows of.
The case will head to the district attorney’s office Tuesday.
Sadly, one of the parts that bothers me most about this story is that he called the cops because he hadn't been paid. Deedle deedle didle dumb.
Does anyone else think we might be losing the war against stupidity?
I thought it would be fun to start a top 5 list. Sort of a compilation of stupid shit and how they rank as I see it. So for today I thought I'd start the list off with American heroes. Some of these guys are accidental and some are just good at what they do. One is an actual icon. So here they are, accidental or otherwise, my list of the Top 5 American Heroes.
Top 5 American Heroes.
5. Ralph Hinkley - For 2 and a half years in the 80’s Ralph Hinkley walked on air even though he never thought he could feel so free-ee-ee. At that time he was literally the Greatest American Hero. He struggled with learning to fly and then he struggled even more with the landing part. He was a normal guy thrust into a difficult situation and it’s why we loved him as much as we did.
4. John McClain - He’s the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. And if you’re the bad guys he’s the one accidental hero you don't want to go up against. He just doesn’t know when to die and he’s never been very good at giving up.
3.Henry Jones Jr. - You know him better as Indy but according to his father that was the dog's name. He was the original Tomb Raider and I don’t know anyone that didn’t consider archeology as a profession after seeing Raiders of the lost Ark. No matter how disappointed you were last year when the latest installment of the Indiana Jones franchise was released you have to admit that you were disappointed because of how great the first 3 were.
2. Jack Bauer - For six “days” and one two hour Redemption we have been enthralled as America’s version of James Bond took on domestic terrorism. His exploits have even been invoked by politicians as a justification to various torture *cough* I mean interrogation techniques. But as most of you know by now the beauty of this show is that events occur in real time. It was a ground breaking approach and I don’t know anyone that has ever watched the show that didn’t get hooked instantly. Jack is so good that he could have easily been number one if not for the simple fact that you never see him use the restroom. I’m sorry but that shit just ain’t right. But no matter how much of a stud Jack is he’s no…
1. Chuck Norris - C’mon man. You didn’t really think that I could do a list like this without putting Chuck in the top spot did you? At the very least you have to respect the fact that I don’t want Mr. Norris kickin' down my door asking why he wasn’t numerouno. For a more comprehensive list of what makes Chuck so bitchin’ click here.
The beauty of Seinfeld was how normal the oddity of it was. Even still I have conversations that would fit right in with George and Jerry. So imagine my delight when I came across this article.
A Japanese lingerie retailer that sells underwear for cross-dressing men has found that bras have become one of its most popular items.
Since launching two weeks ago on Rakuten, a major Japanese web shopping mall, the Wishroom shop has sold over 300 men's bras for 2,800 yen (£20) each.
"I like this tight feeling. It feels good," Wishroom representative Masayuki Tsuchiya said. Wishroom Executive Director Akiko Okunomiya said she was surprised at the number of men who were looking for their inner woman.
"I think more and more men are becoming interested in bras. Since we launched the men's bra, we've been getting feedback from customers saying 'wow, we'd been waiting for this for such a long time'," she said.
Rakuten say the bra, which comes in black, pink and white, will “make you feel more gentle” and “give you a sense of relief - because that is a very important feeling to have”.
The underwear has stirred a heated debate online with more than 8,000 people debating the merits of men wearing bras in one night on Mixi, Japan's top social network website.
Earlier this year another Japanese lingerie firm unveiled a solar-powered bra that they claimed would be able to charge an iPod.
One of my all time favorite songs is “Tomorrow Wendy” by Concrete Blonde. I’m particularly fond of the Live in Brazil version. One of my favorite parts of the song is the section that irreverently reads:
I told the priest, Don’t count on any second coming God got his ass kicked The first time he came down here slummin’ He had the balls to come The gall to die and then forgive us No I don’t wonder why I wonder what he thought it would get us
Occasionally I like to entertain myself by tuning in to see what the Morons are up to. Morons typically come in the form of religious zealots that enjoy pushing their beliefs on everyone else. Below, in its entirety, is a column written by Joseph L. Green. Joe, who is now both an author and a minister used to be homeless and a drug dealer. Now he’s dealing the drugs of hate and fear. They’re more addictive and a lot easier to spread. Way to go Joe! Joe can be reached at jgministries@gmail.com. I’m sure he’d love to hear our thoughts on his rendition of what God wants for all of us.
Obama’s support of gays is anti-Christian
By Joseph L. Green Guest Commentary
The correct form of marriage is the purest expression of human love between a man and a woman. God loves marriage and has ordained it. Soon after the creation of mankind, it was God himself who set this institution in place. In addition, Jesus was clear that not all people have the gift of celibacy, wherein He describes them as eunuchs from the womb (Matthew 19:12). He reveals that because most people are not created to remain alone; they are to marry. Paul was also very practical to inform the reader that it is better to be married than to burn in lust, and therefore ultimately fall into sin.
‘Male and female’ The Scripture states in Matthew 19:4-6, “And He (Jesus) answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” God’s plan for marriage is about love, respect and admiration for a person that you will devote your life to and possibly create and nurture new life with.
When marriage is honored and carried out God’s way, it makes us stronger and better as individuals. When we have strong marriages, we have strong families that make a healthy and productive society. There are overwhelming statistics proving that homes that lack the presence of both one father and one mother result in many of the problems that plague society. It is no coincidence that these social ills have come as a result of not following God’s instructions for Biblical marriage.
The books of Leviticus, Romans, 1 Corinthians, and 1 Timothy all demonstrate that the Bible clearly speaks to homosexuality as being unnatural and unacceptable to God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, The Amplified Bible reads, “Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality, nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortionists and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.”
Clearly a sin Homosexuality is a sin. God despises all sin, whether it is adultery, lying, stealing or homosexuality. We need to acknowledge these things as wrong and not force others to accept or embrace these sins.
I have an issue when anyone tries to rewrite the Bible and change the mind of God by saying that God is not opposed to same sex marriages. The Bible states that there will be an apostasy that will take place in the church in which people will turn away from sound Biblical teaching. They will accept and recognize the things that God called wrong as right.
The ‘messiah’ Barack Obama is calling what God called wrong as right, and will enact policies to which godly scripture will be “hate speech” and ungodly principals will be celebrated. As followers of Jesus, not Obama, we are obligated to not only live by the Word of God, but to teach others what the Bible truly says about how we should live.
Loving truth The Bible is not hate speech. Preaching life, as it is revealed in the Bible, demonstrates a greater love. Loving someone does not mean that you ignore what you believe to be wrong. When you love someone, you tell him or her the truth, and you do it in a manner to help and not harm.
Because of Jesus, we now can live a life of freedom from the burden and the curse of sin. Jesus came to redeem anyone that would accept salvation through repentance and faith. We can now spend eternity with the most fulfilling and permanent marriage you will ever be a part of – the marriage of the sinless church with Jesus Christ.
This one goes out to Harley and the rest of the crew.
If you don't recognize the girl in the above photo that's understandable. She usually has her hair in a pony tail and she's wearing the uniform of a Colonial Officer. In that world she goes by Athena (formerly known as Boomer) but in our world her name is Grace Park and she's one of the many reasons that folks tune in to watch Battle Star Galactica. BSG has become more than just a decent Sci Fi show. For some its become an obsession.
Unfortunately all good things must come to an end. On January 16th, the first of the final 10 or 11 episodes will air on the Sci Fi Network. Technically this is Season 4.5. On January 6th Season 4.0 comes out on DVD.
If you've been watching the show you will find some amusement in the below vids. Together they are an entire recap of everything meaningful that has happened thus far on BSG. The first vid is 8 minutes long and ends where Season 3 does. If you don't want to know what happened in Season 4.0 then you should only watch this vid. You've been warned.
The second 5 minute vid shows "the new stuff". Enjoy!
Welcome to 2009. I found myself in a Barnes & Nobles yesterday after work and while perusing the wares I had the pleasure of listening to Lenka. I fully recognize that some of you may be familiar with her already but for me it was a pleasant surprise. It fit well with the casual mood I was in at the time and before you know it I was buying more books than I'd originally intended and yes, her CD. I'm sure she could be cuter but I have absolutely no idea how. If you are as smitten as I am, Lenka will be performing here in Seattle at The Triple Door on January 12th.
For 2 and a half years in the 80’s Ralph 
He’s the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. And if you’re the bad guys he’s the one accidental hero you don't want to go up against. He just 
You know him better as Indy but according to his father that was the dog's name. He was the original Tomb Raider and I don’t know anyone that 
For six “days” and one two hour Redemption we have been enthralled as America’s version of James Bond took on domestic terrorism. His exploits have even been invoked by politicians as a justification to various torture *cough* I mean interrogation techniques. But as most of you know by now the beauty of this show is that events occur in real time. It was a ground breaking approach and I don’t know anyone that has ever watched the show that 
C’
