A Night At The Improv

I firmly believe that there should be some sort of signal light on my alarm clock. It could be keyed into some sort of Nostradamus loop and just by looking at the signal light you would know if you should stay in bed or get up and risk the day's activities. If such a light did exist, I can assure you that mine would have said roll back over and try again tomorrow.

However, since technology hasn't quite caught up to my needs yet I can announce that at 6:20 AM I'm already pissed off. Why you ask? Well...

Lets start with the fact that I have to break a promise that I made to myself. I promised myself that I was NOT going to mention Governor Boy-what-a-dick on this forum but the man is a sociopath. Seriously. Someone should go back and take a look at some of the unsolved crimes in Chicago and start checking up on whether or not he has an alibi. He's got that Bundy (Ted not Al) look in his eyes and I seriously believe that the moral switch that most of us have...the one that tells us if we're doing something that is right or wrong...is broken in this douche nozel.

The worst part about it is that he won't go away. He's already been impeached and he continues to work the talk show circuit. This isn't just bad because it gives him more of an audience than he deserves, it's also bad because then I have to hear him compare himself to Ghandi, Daniel (of the infamous lion's den caper), Martlin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandella, and most recently Christian Bale.

Now I'm not going to defend Bale's outbursts here but I will definitely say that an actor that is so concerned about getting the scene right that he screams at some douchebag camera guy for walking through the set when he's supposed to be off to the side is a far cry from some moron getting caught trying to sell a Senate Seat while being investigated for abuse of power.

Hey Dickhead! In the words of Ron White, the next time you have a thought...let it go!

And speaking of dicks. Dick Cheney is at it again. The good thing about Bush these last couple of weeks is that you haven't heard a peep out of him. But not Dick. Dick can't seem to shut up. I just love waking up to a warning from the former Vice President of a high probability of a nuclear or biological attack.

Here's a thought...Dick was so big on keeping Guantanamo open so before we close it let's send him down there and put him on trial for war crimes. Yes I'm serious. The man is an asshole and he should pay for what he's done.

But despite all of this the douchebag of the day (so far) award goes to the folks at Wells Fargo. They (after getting caught) cancelled the company trip to Vegas. Hooray! But in doing so they issued a statement that essentially said that despite having cancelled the trip they wanted to assure the American people that they were not planning on spending any of the received Bailout money on this trip. They were only going to spend their money...not yours or mine.

Wwwwwhhhhaaaattttttt?!?!?!!?!?!

In case that last word didn't make sense to you all that was my head exploding while saying what.

Just because my rich uncle tosses me some cash doesn't mean I can forgo paying my bills and fly off to Jamaica. It's not ok. You just can't do that. So why don't you fuckers just give our money back to us and then you can do whatever you'd like with your money. Just don't come running back to us when things don't quite work out. Instead take what little pocket change you have left and go to your local adult sex toy shop. Buy as many "attachments" as you can get your hands on and GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!

And now for a little levity.

Improv comedy at it's best.

Oh the irony of Richard Simmons playing the straight man (or prop as the case may be).

Who's Line Is It Anyway (America)