Straight No Chaser!

A buddy of mine sent this out to a bunch of us earlier today but it's so good that I have to repost it. How is it I've never heard of these guys before now?

The ending with Christmas in Africa is an instant classic

This is how they do it

Toto Go Home

Captain, I have a contact bearing two niner zero, over

Sometimes life is naturally funnier than any joke I could come up with on my own. Take this little crafty idea for example. The folks over at The Aphrodite Project believe quite passionately about advancing the "workplace" for sex workers. So much so that they've come up with the idea of placing GPS inside of platform shoes. Dammit! Why didn't I think of that. Looks like Pimpin just got easier. Sorry couldn't help myself. Below is a glance at the aforementioned shoes. If you desire more info check the link above.

I Don't Snow Much About Art...

Steak - It's "what's for dinner?"

Each year my wife and friends lose contact with me for about 3 - 4 months. It's a time I like to call football season. For example I saw Cyemm the other day and he said, "man I haven't seen you in ages how've you been?" He's known me long enough to understand that this brief reticence is nothing more than "my thing", and that I do it every year.

A couple of days ago a close friend of mine (and fellow football nut) asked how I was doing in the 6 (yes six, and I participated in more than this last year so get off my back) Fantasy Football Leagues I'm in. Needless to say, I have an obsession. I'd feel bad about answering the question but it was posed by a fellow "Ef ef eller" (FFL) that happens to frequent my musings so...

This year I participated in 6 different leagues. 2 Yahoo leagues, 3 CBS Sportsline, and 1 Fanball league.

One of the Yahoo leagues and the Fanball league are what we term "money" leagues. These are leagues that you pay for and have an opportunity to win money back. As a result these are the leagues that tend to garnish most of my attention.

The other leagues are ones that I participate in for both practice and pride. You can really pick up on trends around the FF world just by watching what other owners do with there teams each week.

Most importantly to some of you, and especially to The Admiral, is that at the end of the season there is an annual "Thank God The Fantasy Football Season Is Over Steak Dinner" that I take The Admiral to. It started out small. In the beginning it was all about the dinner being equivelent to the level of success I have each year but I've performed fairly well the last half dozen years and I have to admit that this year I'm really starting to feel the pressure of delivering a quality meal.

So how am I doing this year you ask? I'm proud to say that out of the 6 teams 5 of them have made the Playoffs. Even better still is the fact that I'm still alive in both of the money leagues. As a side note I'd like to mention that for the team that missed the playoffs I wasn't able to participate in the draft due to being at a really kick-ass party with some of you folks. The regular season records this year were:

CBS - Crighton's Module 8 - 6
CBS - Rebuilding Year 1 9 - 5
CBS - Ditty Boppin Blues 7 - 7 (bummer)
Yahoo - Harvey's Crawl Space 9 - 5
$Yahoo$ - Rebuilding Year 8 - 5
$Fanball$ - Durden's Boys 10 - 3

The good news is that I won't lose any money this year. Beyond that I can't say because I'm much too superstitious to start thinking I've won it all. I hope to see many of you in about 3 - 4 weeks at a decent steak place, toasting with me and The Admiral.

Don't give up, don't ever give up

A few years back we lost a family member to what Sean Connery once referred to as the plague of the 20th Century. If you've ever lost someone to Cancer you'll most likely agree with his sentiment. For myself I can honestly say that each week the memory of Adam's strength his last few days bolsters my courage and resolve to be a better human being. There are moments, like now, when just thinking about that time brings me instantly to tears. I'm proud of this because he was an extraordinary man.

In 1983 the North Carolina State Wolfpack won the NCAA mens basketball tournament and were crowned national champions. They were coached and led James Thomas Anthony Valvano. It's one of the greater sports moments of that era. NC State defeated a very heavily favored University of Houston team. Houston wasn't just favored though. They were bigger, faster, stronger, yadda, yadda, yadda. If this game were to be played 9 more times Houston would have mopped the floor with NC State. But not that day.

Ten years later Coach Jimmy V lost his battle with Cancer at the age of 47. Three months before doing so, he was awarded the Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. While accepting this (inaugural) award he gave one of the more inspirational speaches I have ever heard. This week the folks at ESPN will give honor to Jimmy V and remember him in there programing and below is his acceptance speach in its entirety.

Thank you Adam for sharing your faith and your strength with a loser that had the good fortune to fall in love with your daughter. I miss you...

Another Bush In The White House?

More giggling found via the folks at Indecision 2008

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Soloman Grundy says Smash!

As the Presidential race begins to hit full stride it's important that we voters remain focused on who the candidates are and what they represent. I encourage all of you to research each of them and decide for yourselves who you feel best represents your beliefs. And if you're not in the mood you can always amuse yourself at Indecision 2008.

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

This'll wake the neighbors

Hey look everyone!!! It's an "Of The Week" post that actually came on time for a change. Today is Tuesday November 20th and that means it's release day for John McClaine's latest installment - Live Free or Die Hard. This my friends is the DVD Of The Week. Retailing at a Blockbuster near you for $26.99. Yippee Kay Yay motherfuckers!

We celebrate this occasion with a lil diddy by the band Guyz Nite.

Vampires in Berlin

Here's a funny little video of a few krouts getting what for. Of course it's a complete rip off because Tiger Woods and I did the same thing to a bunch of limey's last month.

Enjoy!


Hilarious Mirror Prank - Watch a funny movie here

Artist of the Week

I'm instantly impressed. This doesn't happen all that often but right now I'm more than just a little enamored with Mr. Don McCloskey. He seems to mostly frequent east coast venues but thanks to the marvel that is the World Wide Web he's made me laugh my ass off while nodding my head rhythmically to "King of the discount hoes". I've listened and watched a serene yet very cleverly done "Mr. Novacaine". Lastly I was brought up to speed on current events by "This just in". Unfortunately I was unable to embed the video for This Just In but I have provided the link. Trust me its worth it.

Bottom line is that I want to share these discoveries with you in this latest ?OTW segment. Enjoy!!

Mr. Novacaine


This Just In

Octogenarians need love too {NSFW} (language)

A buddy of mine found this while on a business trip. I don't know much about Don McCloskey yet but if this music video is any indication the man is a f@cking genius. Anybody got $1.50 I can borrow?

Strike a pose

Now here's a story that was so interesting I actually stopped thinking about football for a few minutes. A union for the Mid-Atlantic Regional Council of Carpenters has outsourced its workers and inserted homeless people to picket for them.

Just to clarify what I'm saying here, and to help ensure that you're not seeing things, the guys on strike are not the guys that do the job. They are people from soup kitchens and local shelters. From a business standpoint its brilliant. The union doesn't have to pay its workers the normal wages to walk the picket line and chant whatever catchy slogan they've got going. Instead they can pay a homeless guy a third or a quarter of that same wage to do it for them. Genius.

It's also hypocrytical.

I say this because the biggest complaint that the homeless folks have in performing this task is that "they aren't being paid enough to do it". And there it is folks. Human nature at its finest. So I ask you dear reader...

...who pickets for the homeless guy?

More sheer absurdity after the jump

Homeless Folks Need Unions Too

Your Moment of Zen

I know, I know...the reticence is stifling. It's football season. Get over it. And now...here it is...your moment of zen

The just about perfect list

The folks at Entertainment Weekly have compiled a few lists for us. I've just perused the list of 25 Awesome Action Heroes and dare I say its perfect. Enjoy!

Out out damn spot

Where's Walter when you need him? No not Walter Matthau...Walter Cronkite. This just in...according to J. K. Rawling, famed author of the Harry Potter series, one of its main characters is GAY. That's right folks gay. Not gay like really really happy either. We're talking gay the way Elton John is gay. No wonder he walked around in that robe all that time. I wonder what he wore underneath? More on the big D's supreme gayness after the jump.


Aren't you GLAAD?

Bring a donkey cuz there's never enough ass {NSFW}

Why can't cable TV interviews be as kick ass as these guys are? The folks at No Good TV allow their guests to speak free of censorship. If you're a Hollywood star or starlet and you think that your movie "fucking rocks!" then you should be allowed to say so.

Carrie Keagen (yes we're staring at your chest) is "grab your momma's hand cream and loosen your pants" hot, and she compels her guests to say "fuck" over and over and over again. To say that these clips and this site is NSFW is a fucking understatement.

Clip me Daddy and make it fucking good!!!

The Transformers



The Comebacks



Mr. Brooks

And on this day God said to the Summy Company "Kiss My Ass"

The clip has little to do with anything in this post. I just really miss these old cartoons. I could try and correlate it to the old saying that "it is better to be lucky than good because you can always get better" but even that might be a stretch. I have no idea if I'm getting better but there are certain moments when I can't help but realize just how lucky I am.

Friday was my birthday. To say that the celebration that the Admiral arranged was perfect would be a gross understatement. The two wishes I had she granted with relative ease. And the surprises and gifts that were bestowed upon me made me cry in that "I must have something in my eye you bastards" sort of way.


The Surprise
Most of my friends know that I'm just a big high school nerd that never really grew up. I watch Sci Fi and if I had room for it I'd probably still be collecting comic books. So how cool is it that Cyemm's place was completely decorated in Spider Man crap? The only thing cooler were the three gorgeous women dressed up as comic book characters. Seriously! How fuckin hot is that pic? You'd have cried too.


The Party
The party was hosted by Cyemm and his beautiful wife at a local bar called Eh Eh. You cannot beat the prices or the crowd at this bar. The normal clientele consist of people that I consider family. And the prices are on the honor system. It's stocked already but to keep it that way the simple unstated rule is to bring a bottle or three for others to share with you.

The Bounty

1. A back massager,
2. A couple hands of poker with Catwoman,
3. 4 bottles of expensive Scotch,
4. A Spider Man lamp and lunch box,
5. A half dozen very cool t-shirts,
6. A cool new hat,
7. A Bush-Cheney magnet that has to be seen rather than described,
8. And the best friends that anyone could ever possibly dream of.

Tear...

Dear Abby - Addendum

Often times in my zeal to berate and belittle others I close myself off to the bigger picture. I was so insensed at the advice columnist the other day that I went straight into what was wrong with what she suggested and didn't give nearly enough thought to what should have been said.

My answer (and by connection my "advice") was at best incomplete. Fortunately, I am surrounded by folks that are willing to share their perspectives and point out where I've gone astray.

Here now (in its entirety) for everyone is what someone that gave this some real thought has to say to our poor lost soul.

Dear Jennifer,

My own husband would say, have a great time it’s just sex! I don’t agree. It’s not just sex if you are having sex with another person outside your marriage without telling your husband, it’s cheating. Unfortunately talking to your husband about your wild attraction to another man may not be an option.

“My husband is an absolutely wonderful man and father. He is supportive, funny, successful and loving.” What I really hear you saying here is, he’s great but does nothing for me anymore. I want to get some on the side and need some excitement, but don’t want there to be any consequences.Unless both you AND your husband know about the affair and can both be objective about the situation, then there is a good possibility it will ruin your relationship – silently. You will probably start acting differently towards your husband, at some point you might think you’re in love with the other man, you will most likely feel guilty … there are a myriad of possibilities.

There are a small percentage of people that can live within an open relationship, successfully. However, keep in mind even an open relationship has it’s boundaries that you will need to determine for yourselves. If the doctor is something you really want and need to experience AND you want to keep your husband, then I suggest broaching the subject of bringing other people into your lives sexually. If your husband is ok with the idea, then move slowly. Maybe you’ll find he’s ok with you being with the doctor, AS LONG AS YOU TELL HIM.

Maybe you feel threatened by your husband being with another woman alone, but in certain situations its ok if you’re there too. Find out.My own husband would say being the doctor could also give you a greater appreciation for the people you already share your life with. I say - not if you’re hiding it from the people that you love.

~ THE ADMIRAL

Yes folks not only is she hot but she's smarter than I am too!

Dear Abby

I could have been an advice columnist. I read this earlier today and chuckled along until I got to the part where Margo started giving "objective" advice. The worst part about any of this is that I was reading it to begin with. My response to the writer is below. As a side note, I'm blaming Grey's Anatomy for all of this.

The Doctor Is In -- and Hot!Thu Oct 11, 2:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I work in a male-dominated field and am therefore around lots of men every day. Not until I went to see this physician did I feel what I guess people call chemistry. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man and father. He is supportive, funny, successful and and loving. However, I am wildly attracted to this other man.

I made up two reasons to have sham appointments. For the last one I dressed as sexy as I could on a workday, and flirted as best I could without seeming too forward. He was friendly but did not initiate anything.

Then, I saw the physician in the grocery store, and he made it a point to smile at me but not speak. My husband and child were with me. At any rate, I have a follow-up appointment in about one month. Should I be forward with him? (And if so, how?) I do not want to lose my husband, but I am interested in this other man.

--- JENNIFER

DEAR JEN: You should know that I am a doctor's wife. Granted, he's a heart surgeon whose patients are knocked out and under anesthesia, making it difficult for his women patients to make goo-goo eyes at him . . . but I will speak for my sister physicians' wives.

Try to understand that attraction to doctors is somewhat about their status as healers and seemingly all-wise, and the appeal often involves a fantasy. The balance of power is never equal: The patient is the needy one; the doctor the "fixer." If this man is a psychiatrist, he could lose his license for beginning an affair with a patient. If he is a general practitioner, it would be unethical at best.

This is not to say that doctors don't fool around or date patients, just that the "chemistry" you're feeling may be something else. I would dial back any ideas you have about being forward. My instinct is that this flirt is not reciprocal.

--- MARGO, KNOWLEDGEABLY

Here's my translation of Margo's response

Dear Jennifer,

You shallow whining little Bitch! "My Doctor is hot". "Whoa is me". However will you live with yourself. People like you only see whats on the surface and don't spend any time working to see the real beauty. What you know is that he's a good looking guy that makes a shitload of money because he's a doctor.

Come to think of it you're not only shallow but you're also conceited. "I wore my sexiest outfit". I can't believe that didn't work you f%cking hussy. Next time why don't you just de-pants him and blow him on the spot. Then in between the bob and nod you can ask him if he'd like to take the relationship further.

Its because of people like you that I have to hide from my own troubles by analyzing everyone else's. You're such a c@nt. He doesn't want you. He only wants me. Stay away from him and never write me again.

--Margo Knowledgeably


and here's what I'd have told her.


Dear Jennifer,

Have a great time! It's just sex. Let me say that again - IT'S JUST SEX!!!

You've said your husband is a nice guy so it doesn't sound as if you're wanting to leave him for Doc Hottie McHotterson. It sounds like you just want to know if someone that attractive and successful will be equally impressive in the sack. He won't be, but that shouldn't stop you from trying to find out for yourself.

Short of the health risks (that come with having sex with a stranger) and the affect your amorous intentions may have on your Dr. Patient relationship (I think it might be illegal on his part) this encounter could have a lot of positive benefits. It may increase your own level of self esteem, and could also give you a greater appreciation for the people you already share your life with.

And if he won't give you a spin send me a note. I'm sure some of my friends would be happy to help you out.

~C

PS - Are you hot? Please send a photo of you in the aforementioned sexy outfit. *wink*

Nascar is the new Black

So this just in...Politicians say dumb shit that gets them in trouble. This weeks Capitol offender is Bennie Thompson (D-Miss). To make a long story short he was talking about the nasty things that he believes can happen to you if you're in a crowded area (concerts, sporting events, orgies) for an extended amount of time.

OK so I threw the orgy thing in there.

So this is at least what he was trying to say. It came out as people that watch Nascar have cooties. Personally I'm a little disappointed to know that if you were able to get the pants off one of those hot lil southern girls you'd find yourself face to face with the Eye of Sauron. *Sigh*

Feel free to read all about Beenie's gaffeafter the jump.

Oh and if you're wondering how any of this relates to the hotness that is Natalie...it doesn't. But if I must Bennie and Nat have both at some point been on This Week with George Stephanopoulos. Screw you for judging me.

The Queen is dead...Long live the Queen!

So in an effort to post more...and to not seem so totally delinquent in my "Oh Tee Dubs"...I'm expanding the series from just drinks to include movies and any other damn thing that hits my fancy.

"Wanna ride a bike?"

Here now Weebles and Wobbles is your Movie Of The Week.

In 1998 the beauitful and extremely talented Cate Blanchett lost out to the irritating no talent hack that is Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars. The category was Best Actress. Paltry (ahem), I mean Paltrow won for her role as Viola De Lesseps in Shakespear In Love. It was a good movie. Extremely entertaining well written and the acting wasn't completely horrible. Paltrow didn't botch it and she was (at the time) one of America's darlings. Bleh.

Blanchett played Elizabeth. Queen Elizabeth. "Declared illegitimate aged 3. Tried for treason aged 21. Crowned Queen aged 25." She was nothing short of magnificent. But the story wasn't a happy one and this writer believes that it cost her the crowning achievment of her industry.

Well I'm pleased to inform you all that Blanchett and Elizabeth are both back in Elizabeth The Golden Age. The movie opens on October 12th and maybe, just maybe, a previous injustice can finally be corrected.

Things to do in Cinci when you're dead...

...Or on a business trip; whichever comes first.

I just spent the last couple of days in Cinci on business. Its an interesting city that seems to have more of a Kentucky feel to it than an Ohio one. Of course the line between Kentucky and Cinci is pretty thin so its understandable. In fact the Cincinnati airport is physically located in the state of Kentucky.

So what do you do when you're there if you have some free time to kill? Well free time isn't something that I had a lot of but here's what the burg has to offer.

Chili. Apparently they're known for their chili there. (I just used all 3 "there's" in one sentence. How cool is that?) There are quite a few spots to take this offering in but the folks that I talked to say that Dixie Chili is the best. If you're in a hurry try Gold Coast or Skyline. There are more of them available (Dixie only has one joint).

Check out the Architecture. There are some really cool buildings in Cinci. One of the coolest ones I saw is a condo for the rich and famous (read Cincinnati Reds). Everyone has different tastes though. A jaunt through the college campuses of Xavier and U of Cinci will expose you to several different architctural styles.

Kelly Red. Definately the most fun I had during the trip. While in Cinci be sure to spend an evening with Blues singer Kelly Red and The Hammerheads. Sing sings (boy does she sing), she laughs, cries, dances, drinks & makes every patron feel as if they are sitting at their own personal concert. Never heard of her before? No problem. Never met her before? Who cares. She certainly doesn't. By the time the first set is over she's been over to talk to you and made you feel as if the two of you will be fast friends for the rest of your lives. She takes requests but be sure to ask her do sing "You Knew Better".

My favorite thing to do outside of hangin with Kelly was try to get free shit because I share a name with one of Cinci's favorite sons. To be fair, it was more of the people I was with trying to get free shit for themselves because of it but now I'm just splittin hairs. Mostly it just resulted in meeting some pretty interesting characters and hearing a lot of cool stories about folks' lives.

Oh and here's a quick tip for you air travelers. Because of the foot surgery I had a few months back I sometimes use a cane to relieve some of the discomfort. If you think you're going to find yourself sitting at the aiport terminal with several dozens of your soon to be close personal friends take a cane. When they call for the pre boarding of passengers that may require assistance hobble up to them and go store your shit in the overhead compartments before they all fill up. You don't want to be holding people up because you're a gimp do ya? Of course you don't.

**Wanted**

Do you have a blog or a my space page? Of course you do. Create your own wanted poster here.

aagro.blogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE BLATANT ATTACK ON DUBYA'S REGIME

$6,400

Or maybe you're more curious about your chances of surviving if the world should go the way of Resident Evil of Dawn of the Dead. The answer is available to you here.

A Heart Beat Away

At that same party I mentioned earlier I said that the only thing that scared me more than the thought of Jeb Bush being president some day was three simple yet frightening words. "President Dick Cheney". *chills*

Here's and interesting article on a different perspective for choosing the Vice President.

A Better Way To Pick A VP

It won't balance your checkbook or cook your food but...

If you're not careful it might entertain you.

This weekend the Admiral and I went to a part hosted by one of her burlesque friends. It was a nice enough crowd and all in all I had an ok time. Hell I even picked up a new joke, which i will unveil in a few weeks at "The Coral".

We drank cocktails, looked at photos that folks had taken, discussed politics...good tims, good times. One of the many topics during the course of the evening were TV shows. A small group of us shared a passion for Sci Fi and we talked about some of our favorite shows. Of course anytime a group of peole are talking about TV someone is going to pipe in and utter the words, "I really don't watch a lot of TV". Followed by the inevitable diatribe on why TV is bad for you.

I'm sad to report that this instance was no different. Interestingly enough was the question that was posed by the "TV is evil" protagonist. She turned to me and asked, "what TV show has emboldened your soul?" Unfortunately someone interupted us before I could answer and we never did return to the conversation.

Still had I gotten the chance to prepare a retort it would have been something along the lines of IT'S ENTERTAINMENT YOU NINNY! (I've always wanted to call someone a "ninny") It won't balance your checkbook, provide you with inner peace, cook your food, or cure cancer. But if you're not careful it just might provide you with some entertainment. There are other ways to be entertained, and TV is not for everyone but for fucks sake allow those of us who enjoy it to do so without the holier than thou speaches.

BTW Survivor China starts this Thursday on CBS. Here now are a few shows that I am really looking forward to wasting my brain cells on.

Come with me if you want to live
The Sarah Conner Chronicles - starring Lena Headley (of among other things The 300), Summer Glau "River" from Firefly plays a T-girl (no not that kind you sicko) the kind that can toss a car 30 yards with the flick of her tiny little wrist. It's the story of Sarah and her plight to protect her son from a future that scares the crap out of her. But don't take my word for it...watch the trailer for yourself. (Please Fox, don't screw this up).



A Classic Reborn
By now you've already heard of this one but if the clips and trailers are any indication its going to be a good one. The Bionic Woman returns this fall to NBC and if you haven't heard already it will be visited from time to time by Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck of BSG fame). This time around Jamie Sommers is played by Michelle Ryan (a mostly unknown actress that is sure to make an impact on the industry after this). This show looks scrumdiddlyicious.




There are a few others that I will mostly likely not watch because there just isn't enough time and I don't have TiVo. But hey, that's what DVD is for. Some of the best shows I've seen were ones that were watched on DVD one episode after the other.

Other shows worth checking out:

• Damages on FX. I saw the first 4 episodes of this one day during one of those pimp the show out marathons. Good stuff.
  
• Painkiller Jane. Friday nights on the Sci Fi network. Its a good show and worth the time if you're home that night and still awake.
  
• Pushing Daisies. ABC attempts dark quirky humor. I'm undecided.

Sorry but I'm home sick today and I've gotta run...there's a movie comin on I don't want to miss.

Four Score and 7 years ago...

So right off the bat I need to say that I went 6 - 0 last week in Fantasy Football. I can't remember the last time I did this so its not only noteworthy but it also means that I was deserved of the much promised nice bottle of Scotch. Yay for me. Is it bad when the guy at the local liquer store doesn't card you because you're a regular?



When it isn't Football season I spend my fair share of time "You Tubin" as (Cyemm would say).

Here's a couple of quick vids that have caught my eye over the last week

The first is one of the few things I watch on a reoccuring basis. It's Philly D TV

Joel on The Soup promises to keep you in stitches

The Sunday Ritual

Every Sunday morning for the last 6 years during the NFL season I go through the same ritual. I've grown rather superstitious about this ritual and how it affects my longstanding success in the Fantasy Football community. It's gotten so bad that if I don't follow the ritual a sense of dread comes over me for the majority of the day. Say what you will but most of my money league losses have come on days when I strayed for one reason or another. The fanatical rites go something like this:

6:45 - 7:00 UP and atom kid its time to get movin. This is done regardless of how late I was out the night before. I've even come home so late that I decided just to stay up all night so I wouldn't risk jinxing the whole damn thing.

7:00 - 7:30 Watch The Sports Reporters on ESPN. There are some instances when the show just isn't on for various reasons. In these instances we fall back on CBS Sunday Morning just to keep up on current events. There will also be constant channel flipping just to get the eyes ready for multiple TV watching.

7:30 - 8:00 Shower and hit the computer. This is a chance to clean up and catch up on any late breaking news in the NFL. Somebody didn't practice. This guy didn't make the trip. Others aren't quite as injured as we thought. The weather has taken a dramatic turn.

8:00 - 9:00 Watch NFL Game Day on ESPN and finalize the line-up(s). In truth the line-ups should have been finalized already. Last minute changes to ones starting line-up rarely work out. They work so infrequently that I've adopted a rule to not do it unless the guy I'm replacing isn't going to play or has a much worse injury that was previously let on. This is really just down time to watch Boomer and the gang before...

9:00 - 9:15 Head to The Winchester. It's real name is Sluggers in Kingsgate and it is hands down the best sports bar in the Seattle area. For the past 6 years I've been going there and sitting in the same section. Most days you'll find me in the same chair but there are times when someone dares to beat me there. Last year on opening day was one of those moments. A couple of newbies got there pretty early and the owner actually told them they couldn't sit there and that the seat was reserved. Keep in mind I hadn't been in there for 3 months prior to that.

The Winchester has over 30 tvs (6 of which are big screen) and they show every game. Last year there was a power outage in much of the Seattle area and I was forced to go to a different sports bar. They managed to show less than half of the games being televised and you had to walk all over the bar to see what was happening in any one game. At the Winchester you can sit in several sections and see every game. It simply cannot be beat.

So if you're in town and you happen to stop in there come say hi. Mention this post and I'll even buy you a pint.

Drink Of The Week

In honor of the first week of the NFL season I thought I'd bring back the DOTW. And since I've got it set in my head what I'm going to have tomorrow at The Winchester I proudly announce that the DOTW is...

THE BLOODY MARY

The Bloody Mary was created back during the opening stages of World War 2. Most date it to the 1939 time frame but there is apparently some controversy as to who invented it. What's most important to me about this tasty beverage is the ease with which it can be made. You can purchase a Bloody Mary Mix at just about any of the local grocery stores. Combine that with Vodka and viola you're done.

The latest listing of ingredients looks like this:
Tomato Juice
Vodka
Tobasco
Worcestershire Sause
Salt
Pepper
Horse Radish (optional)

The orginal recipe was simply Tomato Juice and Vodka. Your local pub will charge $4 - $6.

My tip of the day is that if you're making it at home see if you can get your hands on some Celery Salt. It's healthier (about a third of the sodium) but you won't lose any of the salty taste. Celery Salt also goes really well on popcorn, steaks, pork, chicken...hell just about anything you can think of putting salt in you can use it instead.

One last thing...for the love of all that is holy don't drink one after 6pm. That's just wrong.

If you like science fiction

Give this a shot...

The name of the show is Sanctuary and it stars a new look Amanda Tapping (Stargate SG1). Right now its only available online. You can purchase the Webisodes at http://www.sanctuaryforall.com/ but the first few of them are available courtesy of http://www.youtube.com/.

The premise:
Stem cells, gene therapy, transplants, cloning… The very meaning of the word “humanity” changes daily in the modern world. But there is a darker side to the evolution of mankind, a truth only a few brave souls are willing to face:

There are monsters loose in the world. And they are the key to the future of our race.
Each webisode of Sanctuary follows the exploits of Dr. Helen Magnus (AMANDA TAPPING, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis) as she seeks out all manner of terrifying and monstrous creatures. She is aided in her quest by her reluctant protégé Will Zimmerman (ROBIN DUNNE, Dawson’s Creek, The Big Hit, Species 3) and her intrepid, if somewhat reckless daughter Ashley (EMILIE ULLERUP, Battlestar Galactica). Together they will be drawn into a frightening and mysterious world populated by beings that defy explanation.

I've watched the first 17 minutes and its definitely intriguing. For your viewing pleasure here is the trailer for the show.

Opening Day

One of my favorite days all year is finally here. It's the opening day of the NFL season. After watching the festivities I have a few things to say.

• Rich Eisen is still an obnoxious twit


• Al Michaels is still the best play by play guy around


• John Madden is still the King


• Faith Hill still looks hotter than Anna Korna Kova ever has or will (long story)


• Kelly Clarkston has really parlayed that whole American Idol thing into something big. Good for her.


• Faith Hill also sings the NBC theme song better than my beloved Pink.


• Despite leaving the game with an injury on the first play from scrimmage Joe Addai looks like a stud (143 total yards 1 TD).


• Peyton Manning is still Peyton Manning


• Reggie may be better than Marvin


• Drew Brees is back to being Noodle-arm Drew


• The Colts still look Super

Throughout the season I'll post the results of my 6 (yes I said 6) Fantasy teams. If I manage to go 6 - 0 one week I may have to treat myself to Macallan 18.

Mama Always Said Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

Thanks to Orb Almighty for sharing this with me...

Apparently they breed them real dumb in Lafayette Indiana. Holly Schnobrich was arrested not for driving while intoxicated...but for being intoxicated and in the car alone with her two boys ages 3 and 5 while the eldest of the two brothers, Weston Schnobrich DROVE HER HOME.

Seriously you can't make this up. She was hopped up on Percocet and Vodka. Best quote of the article..."(Schnobrich) informed the officer that she took Percocet not for pain control ... but she took it when the children acted up,".

Second best quote comes from young Weston..."I want to be a race car driver when I grow up,". This is how Nascar started people.

I have two burning questions:

1. Where the hell was she at that she had her two kids with her while she knocked back the cocktails?
   
2. If she's this messed up and has custody of the kids how bad must the dad be?

You can read about the plight of our heroin and watch the news clip here.

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/14011324/detail.html

Sigh

Who wants to be a Super Hero?

I know, I know, I've been neglectful. It's been extremely busy at work and the Admiral has the social calendar on over full right now. Alas I know its not an excuse.
Let's get to it...



When I was a kid I went to a lot of church. And I mean a lot of church. A light week was 4 – 5 times. To say that like many folks I was raised on the “fear of God and the feel of the rod” approach would be an understatement. I also read and collected more than my fair share of Comic Books. I grew up with the overly romanticized notion that good things happen to good people and that doing the right thing made you special and in so many ways “better” than the average human being. Not in a superiority sort of way although I’m certain I’ve come across that way to some folks.

Our society is based on the same basic principles. “Do what’s right”, “look after your fellow man”, and so on. If the world ever collectively faltered on these points the amount of chaos that would ensue would be catastrophic. I once read that character was doing what’s right when no one is watching.

But what if its all bullshit? What if its all a lie? What if we’re all the same and not one of us is better than the other? Does great responsibility really come with great power? Does Camelot really exist? And is it worth fighting for? Or maybe its all just a bunch of windmills and the dragons have long since been slayed.

Look around you. Read the news. Bad things usually happen to good people. People with power constantly and consistently abuse it without recourse. God is either sleeping at the wheel or non existent in most people’s lives. I don’t mean to say that people don’t believe. On the contrary, most do. I just don’t see much evidence to suggest that this belief is doing them any good. The belief in a higher power is often nothing more than an excuse for forcing others to believe as you do.

Ultimately, most of us are just fighting to survive. But it’s the rules of this conflict that intrigue me. One of the best people I know is a superb father, a fantastic employee and the sort of friend that anyone would be lucky to have. I can only hope that I’ve been as good a friend to him as he’s been to me. But in a lot of ways he’s very unhappy. He’s in love. Just not with his wife. This could easily morph into a discussion on Poly-Amorous relationships and the like but that’s a topic for another day. He’s fighting the great windmill of guilt. It’s a crisis of faith and identity.

His dilemma is that in order to allow himself to fully love this other person he will have to come to grips with the idea that he is just like everyone else. That he’s just as vulnerable to temptation as we are. That he’s HUMAN. And more importantly, that it’s ok. This is certainly easier said than done. It means accepting that you lie, cheat, and steal just like everyone else. It means admitting that you’re not the person you thought you were.

The things is (and there’s always a thing) that this Person – the Super Hero good guy type – doesn’t really exist. It’s the Yin Yang theory all over again. You can’t have a Super Hero without automatically creating a Super Villain. No Superman without a Lex Luthor. No Batman without The Joker. We’re all nothing more than shades of grey. Every morning when most of us get up we make a subconscious decision to do the right thing. We decide we’re going to be “that guy”. Will we still lie, cheat and steal? Yes. Does it make us bad people? No it doesn’t.

For my part…I’ll always be that guy. I’m afraid I don’t know how to be anyone else. I’ll still lie, cheat and steal from time to time. And I guess I’ve come to accept that part of me on some level. But in the end when the ashes have been scattered I suspect the stone will read, “Here Lies Chad Johnson; He Died Doing The Right Thing.”

Tele Tubby gear reserved for serious criminals

Can you imagine what they'd have done to some of the cops on the LAPD? Courtesy of the Associated Press:

Thai police officers who break rules will be forced to wear hot pink armbands featuring "Hello Kitty," the Japanese icon of cute, as a mark of shame, a senior officer said Monday.
Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late — among other misdemeanors — will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won't wear the armband in public.
The striking armband features Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts.
"Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor," said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.
"(Hello) Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It's not something macho police officers want covering their biceps," Pongpat said.
He said police caught breaking the law will be subject the same fines and penalties as any other members of the public.
"We want to make sure that we do not condone small offenses," Pongpat said, adding that the CSD believed that getting tough on petty misdemeanors would lead to fewer cases of more serious offenses including abuse of power and mistreatment of the public by police officers.
Hello Kitty, invented by Sanrio Co. in 1974, has been popular for years with children and young women. The celebrity cat adorns everything from diamond-studded jewelry, Fender guitars and digital cameras to lunch boxes, T-shirts and stationery.

Can't wait for 2pm

Has anyone even heard of this movie? Despite how bad it looks I can't possibly be the only one that wants to see it. Tim? Cyemm? Dave? C'mon how bad could it be?

And on a lighter note...

Here's a solid reason why Obama and Giuliani need to win the Primary for their parties. If they win we get to see more of Obama Girl and Giuliani Girl battling it out. I'm not above mindless entertainment. Become mindlessly amused at www.obamagirl.com.

No One Cares About Africa

Why is that? There are things happening in Darfur that make the war in Iraq look like an underaged frat party being broken up by the cops.

First a warning to anyone that has grown accostomed to my more "light hearted" rants. This isn't one of them. Something occured to me the other day that makes me angry. VERY ANGRY. Take a look at the big home page websites today, or any other day and you'll see what we've all gotten used to seeing.

Mike Vick and his dog fighting troubles
The woes of the American auto industry.
Paris Hilton is still a stupid ditz.
Brittany is still a trailer park ho.
Lindsey ain't much better
The current financial standings or latest blurb of the 2008 Presidential Candidates.
News about China or another rich Asian Country.
And for gods sake let us not forsake Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, or any other oil rich country.

But no one cares about Africa.

Today at http://www.msn.com/ the leading headlines were:
How to date if you both have kids
Has shark week jumped the shark
10 things your bartender won't tell you
The freaky history of Christian Rock
A stall in the negotiations of the Terror Bill
A healing diet for dogs that may suffer from Cancer
A check on how your local bridges rate on the national scale, oh and apparently
Paris Hilton is making a move on a Nascar star

But no one cares about Africa.

At http://www.cnn.com/ we finally learn that:
Anne Hatheway knows she's a good celebrity
A couple welcomed their 17th child (that's just irresponsible)
Someone was mauled to death at Ving Rhames' home
A missing UK girl was seen in Belgium
An earthquake in Russia left 2,000 people homeless
Even the section of headlines dedicated to Africa is devoid of any news on Darfur

Why does no one care about Africa?

MSNBC...nothing
Fox news...zip
ABC news...nada

No one cares about Africa.

The numbers - The lowest estimate of deaths since 2003 in Darfur is 200,000 at a minimum and some estimates have reached as high as 2 million. To put this into perspective the total casualty rate of every country involved in the Iraq war is at 135,000. This includes military and civilian.

Thousands of Africans are raped and murdered every month. The UN claims that despite the many deaths there is no intent to commit genocide. And isn't that a relief to all of us.

Darfur, not Iraq, is the defining moment of this decade. It will not be more than a footnote in our history books but make no mistake it is the one tragedy that can be stopped. It is a chance for not just America but for the world to stand together united in a fashion that has not been seen since the days of Adolf Hitler.

Did the images above shock you? Make you turn away? Good. It means you have a pulse. It means you're part of the collective that is the Human Race. It means that perhaps the people of the Sudan may out live this tragedy because somewhere there are enough people that were shocked and ashamed enough into action.

Want more?!?!?

Team Lineups and Sob Stories

While golfing today with a couple of very young kids the topic of funny sitcoms came up. There were lots of good ones listed but when I mentioned a couple of shows that were in syndication by the time I was born I got a few blank stares.

Here now are two of the funniest memories of my child hood. The first skit is actually a remake of a skit done in the second show.If you've never seen or heard these before (shame) consider it my Sunday gift to you.

I Love Lucy

Abbott and Costello

Science "Fiction"?

On a general basis I get up waaaay too early on the weekends. Its always been this way. When I was a kid I would get up on Saturdays at 5:30 just so I could watch The Alfred Hitchcock Show - Alfred Hitchcock presents. Since then it seems that TV (at least on Saturday mornings) has gone severely down hill.

An example of what I'm referring to would be the 10 minute debate on Fox News on why the Democrats are outraged about soaring gas prices but not about how much it costs to buy a cup of coffee at the local coffee house. Seriously?!?!?!? Some things don't justify a response.

After turning away from this drivel I stumbled upon an Infomercial for something that looked really familiar to me. It's called the Scooba and its a floor washing robot. Its not the first of its kind but it is the only one that had a Saturday morning infomercial today. Here's a small clip of it. Its 4 minutes long and there were shorter ones but none of the other clips I found were accompanied by "Domo Aragotto Mr. Roboto" and there's no way I was passing that up.


If this looks familiar to you too it could be because The Fifth Element was on the tube last night and its a lot like the little robots that Gary Oldman's character used. And so the lovely ballet ensues...so full of form and color.

One mans art is another mans what the f@ck?!?!?!?!

So this qualifies as a great big head scratcher. Cy Twombly is an abstract artist that has been in his field for well over 50 years. He has his own gallery in New York and his numerous works have been on display in some fairly prominent places. On the list are the Venice Biennale in Italy, the Milwaukee Art Center, the Kunsthaus Zurich and the Musee National d'Art Moderne in Paris. His works have also been displayed in Houston L.A. and Berlin. If there's a big fancy museum somewhere he's been in it.

I myself, have been to none of these exhibits and after reading this story I don't care to. As the saying goes, "I don't know much about art but I know what I like". I digress.

A few days ago in France, at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Avignon, a woman was arrested for putting lipstick on one of Twombly's "paintings". Sam Rindy claims that she was so overcome by the piece that she had to kiss it. Given only this piece of info one could surely see why the museum would have a problem with what she did. My problem is not with Ms. Rindy. My problem is with Twombly and the museum.

You see the piece of art that was marred by the adoring fan was nothing more than a plain white canvas. To be fair it was a large plain white canvas (about nine feet by six) but just the same it was blank. I turned in a paper once like that and was told that if I wanted to pass the course I should start taking it more seriously. Twombly gets his piece of shit hung on a wall where it is currently valued at an estimated $2 million dollars. TWO MILLION FUCKING BUCKS!!! Are you insane?!?!?!?

Seriously?!? Am I the only one that believes he had some sort of mental block and just said, "here you go, here's my latest piece" all the while thinking to himself "fuck it, I don't give a shit anymore"? And these assholes bought into it.

Sigh...

Mmmmm Beer

Yet another valuable lesson learned today. I share this with all of you because I care. GET THE I.T. GUY DRUNK!!! Oh the things you learn. For example...

"Did you know that so and so was sleeping with so and so?"

"Hey this guy is seriously into some weird ass shit!? We're talkin MSNBC type shit!" And you know the show I'm talking about.

"Dude, when you worked here your boss was really trying to screw you over."

OK that one hit home a little bit. I'd always suspected it was true. That's what can happen when you work for someone that you know is a weasel but you've made the mistake of calling him a friend in the past so you can't take it back. Turns out my instincts were right. OH LET THE EXPLETIVES FLY!!!!

Ah well...I outlasted him at the company I formerly called home, and managed to leave it in good graces. He can't say the same. Lesson learned. Once an Asshole, always an Asshole!

Oh Billy Where Art Thou?

There's a line in a Billy Joel song that says "Everybody's talkin bout the new sound funny but its still Rock and Roll to me". Word!

Three Days Grace - Pain (3:37) I was introduced to this song by The Purple Painted Wonder

Nickelback - Animals (2:58)

I'm giving Cyemm the credit for the intro to this tune


And Finally one of the greatest Rock and Roll songs of all time (and because I know Orb will "LOVE" me for this) I give you AC/DC Thunder Struck (4:53)

Ice Ice Baby

I admit it I like Reality TV but this time we've gone too far. Don't they realize that there's no way we're laughing WITH them? Seriously!!!


More GLORIOUSNESS from VH1 to follow

Doh!!!

One of the dumbest commercials on TV right now makes me laugh every time I see it. It's one of the trailer spots for the Simpsons movie. It has Homer holding up a pig as it walks across the ceiling. The whole time he's singing "Spider Pig". Holy crap that's some funny ass shit!

Here's a pretty cool vid of someone that is obviously a huge Simpsons fan. Also check out this link where you can create your own Simpson's character http://www.q4nobody.co.uk/images/animation/Simpsomaker2.swf.

The Contender

They come from far and wide. Some of their names are well known. Others are more obscure. But for golf fans, or more specifically Tiger Woods fans, their names are often mentioned with a bit of a smirk and an eye roll for they are the “might have beens”. They are the “should haves” and “could haves”. They are The Contenders. Tiger’s resume is well known but worth repeating. Over the course of his 10 year professional career he has captured 57 PGA Tour victories and 12 Major Championship titles.


The first of them was David Duval. Winner of the 2001 British Open Duval was the other guy for the first 3 – 4 years of Woods’ professional career. He was a 4 time winner in 1998 capturing titles at the NEC, Kingsmill, Houston and Tucson. In 1999 he placed 1st 5 times to include the Players Championship. And in 2000 (arguably Woods’ best year as a pro) Duval won the Buick Open, essentially defeating Tiger on his home turf. More recently Duval has struggled. After winning the British Open in 2001 and being declared the man that could walk toe to toe with Tiger he has fallen off the grid. He’s had zero wins and only 2 top 10 finishes (both in 2002).

Dubbed by some to be the hardest working man on the PGA Tour Vijay Singh is the only contender to actually dethrone Tiger. 2004 was easily his best year as he won 9 tournaments and earned over $10 million dollars. On Labor Day of 2004, Singh won the Deutsche Banck Championship and overtook Tiger at the top of the World Golf Rankings. His was the first name other than “Woods” to sit at that position in 264 weeks. He has captured 3 Major Championships to include a win at Sahalee (just outside of Seattle), and a Green Jacket from Augusta National. Vijay really is a likeable character and in April of 2005 he was elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame. Although he is still very competitive he has only won 7 PGA tournaments since the opening of 2005.

The face that has always lurked in the back ground is Phil (Tits) Mickelson. He is widely considered to be Tiger’s main rival. Truthfully I’ve run into two sorts of people, those who like Tiger, and those who like Phil. Winner of 31 PGA Tour victories including 3 Major Championships, his detractors think of him as the man who for so many years could not close things out on Sunday. Can any of you Phil Phans forget the “Disaster at Winged Foot”? The most recent example of collapse known as the Phil Phenomenon was last weeks Scottish Open. After leading the tournament all day on Sunday he found a way to give the title away on the 18th hole. Just this past Friday he missed the cut at the British Open. He is certainly the most talented of the contenders. And as is most often with golfers his biggest obstacle is himself. Those who love him call him Lefty because (despite doing everything else from the right side) he golfs left handed. He has a two inch vertical and a very comfortable C cup. "Is it his time?" No!

And finally there is El Nino. Sergio Garcia is a whiny spoiled Spaniard with a ton of talent and a 5 cent (or .05 Euro) head. Most of us first noticed him during his duel with Tiger during the 1999 PGA Championship. At that time he hadn’t yet opened his mouth and he was a young exciting player with an incredible enthusiasm for the game. His shot on the back nine that day from behind the tree is still one of those magic moments in golf. He hit it with his eyes closed (didn’t want to see it ricochet off the tree) and then ran as fast as he could up the fairway to see the results. Since then his best performances have been during the Rider Cup where he always seems to play his best golf. But the kid is still a punk. This past spring he spat into the cup after retrieving his ball and when asked about it shrugged it off as if it was the sort of thing that happens all the time. The world was watching dick head.

Still, he does deserve some credit. As of this moment he is the wire to wire leader at the 136th British Open Championship. His current success is being attributed to his new (lame ass girlie) belly putter. And as the putter has often been the weakest point of his game there could be something to that claim. Over the last 3 days he has looked unflappable and you can hear the Anti-Tiger Wing beginning to murmur now. “Could he be the one?” “He has all the talent”. “Unlike Phil he’s not afraid of Tiger”. In a way I almost hope El Nino can pull off the victory this weekend. It’s been a while since the media told Tiger he couldn't do something and he always seems to play his best under that circumstance. I will credit Sergio for one thing. He is always the most colorfully dressed on the course